Make A Wish

We wish before we blow out the illuminating candles on our birthday cake. We wish on the first star we see at night. We wish on those fluffy little weed like flowers we pick up as soon as we see one. We wish on shooting stars, four-leaf clovers, the clock once it hits 11:11 both a.m. and p.m. We look for an excuse to – for a moment – make a wish, a request we hope will come true, and then we leave things to chance.

I believe in chance, fate and signs, all which I’ve expressed in relationship columns I’ve both written for Women’s Post, and have been quoted in in The Globe and Mail. But where wishing goes wrong is it leaves whatever it is we want out of our control. I instead promote being more of a doer; taking more action in your own life. I therefore set each week with an intention for myself. Intentions can vary from inner peace, patience or – my intention for this week – freedom. It can be to be more accepting, more loving towards yourself, the intentions are endless. But whatever it is, take a moment at the beginning of your week to think about what you want. Your wish. Your goal. Then ask yourself, ‘What intention can I make to help me obtain that goal; that want?’

Change comes from within. The sooner we allow ourselves to open up to ourselves, the more inner peace we’ll have. What’s important to remind ourselves when wishing and wanting, is that there are many things that aren’t within our control. Do what is within your control to help you get where you need to be. I remember a story from the film Eat, Pray, Love, about a homeless man who would pray at a statue everyday and would wish day after day that he would win the lottery. Finally, one day the statue looked down at him and said (I’m paraphrasing here) “If you want to win the lottery, then start actually buying lottery tickets.” The point? Things won’t happen just because you will them.

– Jenny Jen

Photo Credit: Source.


The Backup

When a relationship blogger finds herself in a relationship, her outlook suddenly changes. That is why – when spending time with the boy’s single friends – I find myself so very enthralled by their juicy, single-behaviour stories. And lucky for them, being deemed a ‘relationship expert’, they get to divulge their unedited stories of everything from dating to mating, and in turn get my blunt advice. And how does this relate to you, you ask? Well, the boys’ buddies act as muse’s of sorts, inspiring new single-friendly material. Like today’s post.

In single times when uncertainty soars, you don’t want to screw yourself over and end up empty handed, mind the pun. It looks something like this: you are going out with your fellow single femme fatales for a night of partying and drinking on the town. You send flirtatiously-infused texts to your crush, hoping that your paths will cross once the drinks seep into your blood system, as does the blood to his. Your goal: to bed a boy come end of eve. He’s hints at where him and his boys might be boozing, and you plan to maybe meet up with him. But incase your paths don’t align, or something comes up – so as not to put your back up against the wall – you message a backup guy; another crush who you know has a thing for you, who you have ‘on call’ as a ‘just in case’. You may even have your backup meet you at the same venue you’re meeting your first choice feature, a greedy little tactic to ensure satisfaction, somehow.

Before you backup, here are the core need-to-knows:

1) Your backup has a back up: both your back up boy and your number one choice likely each have a back up. Guys are no different than girls. If you and your friends have a safe, fall back person to call up when feeling rejected, or merely as an alternate option, chances are him and his friends do too.

2) Damage Control: if you invite a few various guys to the same bar in hopes that at least one will come, they may all turn up there and you’ll have to juggle to ensure none of them catch on to your promiscuous little plans. If you are willing to risk putting yourself in a hands-in-the-cookie-jar kind of situation, be ready to be responsible and reap the consequences that may come from getting caught.

3) Many men ‘on standby’, a relationship does not make: if you have a back up guy, yet are interested in settling down and can’t figure out why you are still single, drop the backup and put all your energy and attention into one person. When we don’t invest our whole selves into one person, we are never able to see all they have to offer and vice versa.

– Jenny Jen

Photo Credit: Source.

‘How we Met’: A Guide to Giving Good Story

“So, how did you guys meet?” an acquaintance asks when he runs into you and your very obvious new accessory, a striking gentleman on your arm. And at the point when most people usually answer the ‘how we met’ question with ease (and enthusiasm), you and your boy both pause to the point of strenuous, awkward silence. It is in that exact moment that you wish you two had your story straight by now (or met in a more orthodox way), because something…anything would be better than sharing the real story of how you met.

So as the awkward silence drags on, and as one of you forcefully attempts to break it with some stunted laughter, you stumble over your words with an attempt to give good story and undo the undoable awkwardness. Avoid the awkward and get your story straight. The how we met answer is consistently called upon at the beginning of a new relationship when you two are making your rounds debuting one another at functions and with families, so be prepared. If the actual story of how you met is one you’d rather not share (usually due to a fear of presumed judgment) then feel free to adapt your story, but get it straight and don’t add in excessive and unnecessary details. It’s ok instead of disclosing the real reason to instead brush it off as meeting through mutual friends, and from knowing of each other before you got to know each other. We put so much pressure on ourselves to be honest and to say things exactly how they happen when people ask us even when we aren’t so comfortable with sharing. Allow yourself to be reserved.

I think of the story of how my bubbie (grandmother) met my zaidy (grandfather) and it turns out that she was in a serious relationship with my zaidy’s brother, but started to have the hots for my zaidy and ended things with her then boyfriend to be with my zaidy. Of course, in her eightysomethings that story can be told without the added guilt and judgment from others and – if anything – we perceive it as a great, entertaining and endearing story about how bad she wanted my zaidy, but at the time it was inappropriate and likely offensive and they had to avoid disclosing the real way they met.

“How do I know whether I should just be honest with the how we met story?” you ask yourself as you read my blog. Here’s when you should come up with a new one:

– if you met on an online dating site and are embarrassed to admit it
– if you met while either one (or both of) you were in another relationship
– if he used to date your best friend and you don’t want to own up to that story each and every time
– if you met bonding over a mutual hate or dislike of someone else

What ‘how we met’ story would keep you from sharing the real details?

– Jenny Jen

Photo Credit: Source.