Reading Between The Lines

Us women are known to somewhat – how you say – “misread” situations.  When in a position or situation we tend to have an idea of what’s going on and run with that notion as we look for confirming beliefs, as opposed to seeing the full picture for what it is.  Case in point: We hear from a dude we may have once crushed on in the past, seemingly out of the blue and instead of thinking ‘He want’s me,’ we think ‘What does he want from me?’  We go on a date with a guy who – at the end of the date – doesn’t lean in for that anticipated first kiss and tell ourselves ‘He’s just not that into me,’ all whilst avoiding the very clear fact that your dinner date with him lasted four (or so) hours.  Or you might be single, spending all your days (and hours, and minutes) back and forth texting and emoticon sharing with another single guy, but since he never asks you out nor has he yet to initiate a plan, you assume he’s just messaging you to ‘Keep his options open,’ as opposed to maybe seeing that he’s just trying to get to know you before he makes that bold move.

Now I get it, it isn’t safe for us blonde, bronzed, babes to be optimistic if a situation clearly doesn’t call for it, but it is rather healthy to, not only perceive a situation in a level headed fashion, giving it the benefit of the doubt, but also be clear with our intentions and be confident enough to ask others about theirs, when feeling confused, uncertain or doubtful. Raise your hand for all the times you’ve left a date, only to dial up your bestie the second you walk in the door to try to decode what x, y and z meant on the date.  Intuitive though your best friend might be, she certainly is not in the head of the guy you were just with.  Ride the wave.  Feel him out.  Don’t analyze but instead grasp the situation with a big picture mentality.  If you reach a point where you generally feel confused or are aware that you might be on different pages, it’s better to read between the lines and – if you dare – ask him to be more clear.  If only we had a legend for what all those emoticon’s and looks, and endless banter really means; if only the matters when it comes to the opposite sex were that easy.

From my experience, like breeds like so if you start thinking the best of situations instead of the worst, if you start expecting good things instead of the bad, you’ve already done most of the work.  Reframe you dauntless darling, you.

– Jenny Jen

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Doing Your Friends Laundry

The merry-go-round of sleeping around ensures that you and at least one of your closest friends sat on the same ceramic pony at least once. Perhaps this was before you two were friends, a part of your earlier twentysomethings, times when going home with a plus one at the end of the night was important as is going out with a plus one is at the beginning of our nights nowadays. Call it the six degrees of separation, but I know you’re sitting there nodding your pretty little head at the obvious but-one degree.

Finding out that someone else has slept with your boyfriend, especially a close friend is always a bit tough to get your head around. Not as if you don’t have a past yourself, but you know whatever they experienced with them was just a piece of them, probably a completely different persona than the in-the-bedroom role he plays with you. So when you hear that they had a one night stand (from one of the two who wants you to be in the know so you don’t find out from someone else and wonder why no one told you) it’s no wonder you’re taken aback. You suddenly have to arrange your face and voice to appear anything but insecure and awkward. Not only is it always on your mind from then on in, but it creates a sudden subconscious distance between you and your friend. That is, until you are done with the guy in question and some time passes as you move on, and the truth about their circumstances come out.

Last night I was talking to a fellow twentysomething about a guy from both of our pasts. When me and this former flame started dating, she made me well aware of their before-me rendez vous, but it wasn’t until last night, years later (while we were on the topic of growing up) that I actually asked her how he was. It was interesting to hear her account of him, their experience and for me to silently realize how different my time behind closed doors was, and how I made a big deal about them in my head all these years when her account didn’t even compare to what I had imagined. I have other girlfriends who have had an overlapping with a certain guy they were with and hearing their tales is like hearing about someone else. What is good for some is looked down upon by others. No two experiences are all that much the same. We allow ourselves to feel threatened by our men’s past, when we could care less and are well aware how behind us ours is.

– Jenny Jen

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A Juggling Act

You’re dating a few guys. Ok fine, not a few but a handful. Each offer you different tastes; each offer you a different feeling of euphoria. Dependent on your mood and what you want out of your eve (and perhaps day, if he’s lucky) you pick from the pod accordingly. With a variety in selection you are one happy camper. None have brought up the dreaded, game-changing ‘talk’ yet, so the rest of the bunch are fair game. You’re not sure if any of these gents are dipping their sticks in the pool of love, and well to be quite honest, you don’t really care if they are or aren’t. ‘Each man for himself’, you think as you end a date so you can begin the next one on schedule, hoping not to mix up stories and inside jokes and references with the wrong partner.

Oh, to be a blonde, bronzed, single, twentysomething. No strings attached. Everything is fair game. It’s all glorious and glamorous until someone gets caught. Because as fun and flavourful as it is, once one finds out – with certainty – that he’s not the sole apple of your hazel eyes, the insecurity seed is planted and suddenly, more is expected from you. Starting with – first and foremost – the answering of questions you don’t think you deserve to even be asked in the first place.

So how does one lay low to prevent having to put a halt to her masterful juggling act? Here are some basic preventative tips.

How to have your cake and eat it too:

1) Forget the Invite: If you have an upcoming birthday and he asks where you guys are celebrating, let him know you’d rather have ‘alone time’ with him and keep him far away from your fete. The last thing you need is worrying about the drama that may be if he see’s you with someone else.

2) Facebook Monitoring: If you don’t want any of the ones your with to stumble on some cold, hard evidence, click the feature on Facebook that allows you to block people seeing your tagged pictures. Sure it will make you just a little more sketchy (as it should) but images say what words can’t and really honey, you may be good, but no excuses will get you out of that one.

3) Use your Words Wisely: Unless you tell him you’re exclusive, you aren’t lying per se if you are just not giving him all the information. Not being as forthcoming with some info is ok, but once you start making up excuses or lying, that’s when issues begin.

If after a couple months you still don’t know if this guy is boyfriend material, chances are he’s not. Release him to make room for more. Alternately, if feelings are coming up for one of the gents, consider giving up your run in the ‘dating around mill’ to invest your time, energy and efforts in him so not to have another regretful case of ‘the one that got away’.

– Jenny Jen

Photo Credit: Source.