You’re invited to join a group of friends for a halloween themed, falls day event. You feel great being included and invited to tag along – appreciative that they don’t see your single ass as a third wheel – and though you no doubt want to join them on the fun, you can’t help but think of your ex, knowing he would’ve loved to be a part of this gettogether. A part of you wants to shoot him a text to include him, or to even share with him what you’re doing (knowing it would put a smile on his face) but you know better than to mess him up in your constantly changing emotions. You know by updating him on your whereabouts and sharing this moment – even if it’s over the phone – might just give him words to misconstrue, confusing him about your intentions. So you resist the urge, and prep for your day full well knowing if he found out about it, it would trigger a soft spot – even for but a moment – a silent wish on his end that he could be there, despite everything.
In relationships we plan for the future in just about every moment. ‘Oh that apple picking farm sounds adorable, we should check it out,’ or ‘I hear the haunted houses in Niagara are unreal, we’ll have to go around Halloween.’ We plan this and we plan that. Parties to host, places to vacation, restaurants to try, adding one thing after the next on the ongoing to-do list, that same list every couple compiles when in good company.
So what happens when you get invited to be a part of these to-do’s you once planned with him? How do you accept these invites and play out moments that you pictured him being a part of, without letting those thoughts take over your present? How do you find the strength to keep on keeping on when there is an obvious longing, whether it means something or not? And most importantly, how do you deal when you see your significant other playing out your future, with company that isn’t you?
This person is no longer in your life. At least not right now. So how unfair it would be to allow their silent influence to affect your decisions, your behaviour and your opportunity to embrace an invitation for a good time, especially when these are things you’ve wanted and hoped to do. We are the ones who choose how we want to move forward. We can create a party within each moment, if only we don’t hold ourselves back. Celebrate the moments you are given, acknowledge the sentimental factor, and feel fortunate that you were with a person who wanted to plan for the future with you. But that future that you planned is your now. They are no longer here to be a part of it with you, but this moment is yours for the taking. Take it.
Every word written. Every word uttered. Every single sentence strings through your subconscious as you try to determine why he *said this, why he said that, what it means and what you can do with this interpreted information (*feel free to interchange the word ‘said’ to ‘wrote’ you little texter/Facebook chat abuser you).
As a writer, I am very well aware that each word written I select has been selected with purpose; has unmistaken meaning to it. I choose words wisely, wary of how they might go interpreted, though fully aware of the easy-to-find double entendre’s, puns or references, should someone be looking for them. Which is why, I don’t dare give others the benefit of the doubt in doing the same. Therefore, the word choice of others is done with a specific purpose, if only I can read through the lines. They say things are right in-front of our very eyes, though little do we realize it. So how does one blonde figure out whether or not she’s making the proper analysis? How do we take off the blinders and see what is sitting in front of us?
By being realistic. By being attentive. By not making excuses and talking ourselves out of the obvious, because it just might be too good to be true. We often counter our own arguments that work in our favour, because we don’t want to be too hopeful. Hello, self protection. ‘No’, we think, ‘There’s no way he could be interested in me’ though he is showing you and telling you he in fact is. If only you could be that bold, bronzed, babe that you are and acknowledge it by being blunt.
Saying what we want and feel in a glass served straight up, isn’t a drink many of us care to down. So we play coy, and kinda conspicuous, leaving the meaning to which we want to project be open for unadulterated interpretation. Look closer. Pay mind to what could be on anothers’ mind. Sometimes things are so obvious, that we think nothing would be this obvious, so it can’t be. But it sure as hell can, kiddo. Don’t write anything off as confusion, or being hopeful and take everything for what it is. A sign. Right in-front of your very eyes that read on this very screen at this very second.
With the long weekend looming, we are free to allow ourselves to get lost in our daydreams today as we look forward to what’s to come: four work-free days to relax, unwind and to play out our long-weekend plans. A long weekend is a time we all look forward to. ‘Looking forward to’ allows us to anticipate a set of plans. It allows our week and days leading up to it to go by faster, because we know come weekend, all our hard work will pay off. Looking forward to something allows us to get excited. To plan out hair styles and outfits and even the colour we want for our mani/pedi weekly combo. When we look forward to something we know we won’t be left high and dry, peering out the window on a fun summers’ night because bitch has got a plan!
Men on the other hand are often known for not wanting to plan in advance (aka: wanting to leave their options open). Making a plan to them is tying them down to something, and there is a suffocating like fear that they will be held to that plan, locking them in. What if they are tired come Friday night and want to stay in? The idea that you might hold them accountable to their word, makes them not want to give it in the first place. So, the thing with making advanced plans is to not be so wound up that if something comes up, you aren’t able to be accommodating (read: on occasion, not if his bailing becomes the norm).
It means planning a special date night for just the two of you to enjoy together, without the stressor of work in the morning to cut it short. If you start the long weekend off with a date night, you assure yourself that you at least got some special time in, despite what happens the rest of the weekend.
But remember: the guy who is willing to commit to plans in advance with you, who makes and plans dates and surprises you, who see’s you more than once on a long weekend and who includes you in his other plans with friends and family, is the one who cares about you and wants to include you in his life. If you see signs of him putting off plans, lack of interest and often falling through on plans, perhaps it is time to reevaluate the balance of your relationship.