We are selfish fucks by nature, if I do say so myself. In our latter twentysomethings and beyond, we’ve created habits, routines and daily rituals that are ingrained in our very nature. Which is why, when someone asks us to do them a favour, we stutter for but a moment, as we struggle with the idea of going out of our comfort zone; at a surprise suggestion on an extra step in our day that we pre-planned in our minds.
How humorous it is of us to want to come up with the easiest of excuses to not have to do that which is asked of us, in an innate reaction. And yet, how lovely it is that someone feels comfortable enough to approach us, of all people, for help.
Doing someone a favour, a doormat does not make, so long as you’re not doing so out of guilt, or a feeling of ‘owing.’ So long as you’re not compromising your day and your needs. I used to struggle with being assertive, with standing up for myself, which benefited no one because I would be totally passive-aggressive about it, which made it seem to the person I was doing the fave for, that it was coming with a cost. But those days are – thank god – long gone. Now I know the value of my time and needs and don’t jeoprodize them for others. Having said that, when I do something for others, I do it to my best ability. I don’t complain about it, but instead I do it with pleasure. It’s a rewarding feeling, basking in the ability to help someone else, no matter how little or big the favour is.
If you say yes to doing something, do it with integrity. Keep your word. Don’t complain about it to them or to others. Just get’r done. People are attracted friendshiply (and otherwise) to those who are easy-natured, but also those who are assertive, which basically means your not a push-over, nor are you an aggressor.
Keep this is mind the next time you’re tempted to reach out to another for a helping hand, and in mind when someone else reaches out to you. All relationships should be balanced so make sure you’re not doing all the dirty work.
– Jenny Jen
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