Friends who write off friends

miss you

Have you ever had a friend who seemingly disappeared out of nowhere?  Like not in the ‘she-has-a-new-boyfriend’ way but in the ‘she-always-tells-me-she’s-busy’ and always pleasantly declines your plans kinda way?  What’s going on with that – you wonder as you try to play back past conversations to put two and two together to figure out what you did wrong.  It might take you a week or a few months to figure it out, but after her declining invites to get together and yet constantly running into her with other friends, surely you know it’s not her it’s you.

So what do you do when you realize a friend seems to have written you off?  Do you keep trying to make plans (in hopes that it’s all in your head/or that you can bring it up casually in person,) sucking up each and every rejection that comes your pretty little way (if she responds at all, that is.)  Do you ask her via a text if you offended her in some way?  Do you wait until next time you run into each other to feel out the situation?  Or do you instead just keep on keeping on, realizing her mind is made up?

It’s amusing that our friendships often replicate romantic relationships.  That we feel – when the going gets tough – that we need to walk on egg shells.  That we feel hurt and not good enough when someone decides to water-down our friendship and go in another direction with other friends who just aren’t you.

Trust your gut.  If this friendship is worth fighting for, approach the situation.  It takes two to tango.  They may say nothing is wrong and have been busy.  This could be true or they might just not want to offend you, oblivious to the fact that they already are.  If it’s worth it to you, discuss it, perhaps after some time to pass as time breeds clarity.  But before you go and fight for their attention, their explanation, their company, be sure to ask yourself why you’d want to be friends with someone who so easily writes you off?  Friendships are based on mutual respect, understanding and support.  And so, if you were the cutter offer, ask yourself if maybe you were too judgmental and didn’t see the full story or overlooked details.  Perhaps reach out on your own to patch things up for the best.

We often take things personally not taking into account others feelings.  Before you cut someone off, especially a someone who was once so close with you, raise your concern with them.  Two wrongs don’t make a right.  Unless they are toxic and have a pattern over time of being unhealthy to you and those around them.  That’s a different story.

– Jenny Jen

Photo credit: Source.

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