You know when you just start dating again and you’re feeling a weight off your shoulders? Oh and hot. Very hot. Because you landed a guy who is not your ex. Who is not the guy who things didn’t work out with. Because you sorta feel like a catch. At least for now. And then you go on this date that is perfect and then something goes wrong and you feel like you projected your issues from your past relationship on to them? No. Me neither.
But hypothetically if that happens, just shake it off. Because we are human. Because we grow. Because we are really rather unique beings and unfortunately, as healed as we may be, we are habitual creatures who come with baggage. And not the designer type but overpacked, holy, i hope it gets lost at the airport so i can get better stuff with the insurance money kind of baggage. And so, if something doesn’t go your pretty, little way, and this person is oh so horrified that your perfect self isn’t all that perfect then so be it. What a great way to find out nice and early that they aren’t for you.
Relationships just like friendships aren’t about judgement. They are about how the person makes you feel when you’re around them. They are about a sense of mutual respect; mutual empathy. They are about sharing, supporting and growing. A match for you is someone who see’s you as who you really are. A woman who has a past but one who is hopeful about a future despite everything. A woman who is still learning from past mistakes and is still willing to keep on keeping on, even though at a time it didn’t seem possible.
Rid yourself of your reactions to your own, well, reactions. Realize that things work out how they’re meant to and it would be – unhuman (which is really sexy these days actually with all these glamed up superheroes and all, so forget that) – unnatural if you didn’t make mistakes. Or good calls. Double negatives suck so let me clarify: Life is for the living. Live it. In time the dates and the things you say and do will be easier. Just don’t give up because you feel like you need to tip toe around yourself at first. The more authentic you are, the more likely you are to attract a healthy, like minded mate.
Now hop onto your high horse and go get’m. (This is a metaphor. No horses need be included in your dating repertoire.)
– Jenny Jen
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