What love doesn’t look like


You want to change, for him. You love him (so you think,) and so if you just change, he will love you too. But boy, are you ever wrong. And if you don’t have a friend telling you that, or if they are and you don’t have the ability to see it for yourself, let me show you what this looks like.

It looks like…

– sadness. A loss of a sense of self. Lacking direction; lacking respect and/or a knowingness of your worth. It looks like settling; settling for something that you may or may not realize is destined to unravel. It looks like emptiness and a need to fill it in any way possible; changing for him the seeming way to get what you want, to feel fulfilled.

If only you knew…

– you are perfect the way you are, for this is you, baggage, scars, the full package if you will. No matter what it is you do (or don’t do,) so long as you are motivating yourself to be your best self on a daily basis, so long as you are living your passion, so long as you are being assertive with friends, family, work and ensuring you are taking care of your fine self, you my friend are a catch.

When someone (who isn’t your therapist) pinpoints your downfalls, saying they need those adjusted in order to even consider having you, consider this…

– you don’t need to change for anyone. So, you’re not an adventurous eater. So, you’re not up for backpacking and traveling and roughing it. So, you like the finer things in life and feel happy splurging to enjoy the fruits of your labour. So what? This is you. You being a unique, intrinsic, special individual. The person who is meant to be your forever, will love your quirks (for the most part) and if certain traits bother them, they’ll overlook them because they know how they feel, above all else.

The man who needs you to change your core values, is the one who – hate to break it to you – isn’t ready for a relationship. Perhaps it’s him who needs the work. Needing to work on being happy with himself, in his own skin, not depending on you to reflect on him, representing who he is as an individual. Don’t mistake a boy for a man. A man doesn’t need the girl he loves to change. Sure he might need her to compromise, and sure he can help you grow, but your core values are what should make you worth keeping; they are what make you whole.

– Jenny Jen

Photo credit: Source.

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One thought on “What love doesn’t look like

  1. Isn’t it insane how deep down, we all know these fundamental truths, we repeat them to ourselves, create a personal foundation of self worth and love, yet, we need to be constantly reminded. It seems that no matter how intelligent we are, no matter how logical we believe we can be, emotions and passionate responses sometimes rule our words and without reasoning we repeat words like “Tell me what I can do to fix this, what do I need to change, what do you need?”

    This happened to me this weekend. Jen, I write a personal column about sex and relationships, I give advice and receive thanks and praise for it. But, now I am admitting, that I too need the help of others, and stumbling upon this article today makes me look back at the pleas of yesterday and realize the grievous mistake they were and betrayal to myself. So thank-you!

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