One of the greatest virtues we can learn from healthy relationships is protection. The want of another to protect you at all costs. To prevent you from hurt, whether it be others words or judgments. To ensure you’re free of harm in any which way. To have that innate need to make you feel safe, happy and loved.
The opposite of this is one who tells you others thoughts, judgments, concerns, and gossip. One who pushes your buttons, if you will. Who says something without thinking, for if they did they’d know full well that it would trigger your insecurities.
I hear clients and readers and people who call into me on the radio telling me the same thing over and over. What is that thing? That they don’t want to settle. They have an idea in their heads of what they want and need in a partner and then make sure they have it all. When I hear traits on others check-lists, no one ever talks about a partner who would protect. Yet to protect is to give love in such a pure form. Now I’m not talking about protection like sugar-coating things when you’re asking for advice, but instead I’m referring to not bringing up something that could make you feel worse, that won’t impact you if they withhold it from you.
One who loves you wants the best for you. They want your happiness as if it were their own. And if for some reason they’ve said something that maybe they shouldn’t have, and you bring it to their attention, they should want to be there for you and reassure you that they care. Physically, verbally, emotionally. You might not be aware of whether or not your guy is a protector, but you are likely aware if he is someone who divulges details that get under your skin. Whether it be put downs that others have uttered, or bringing up an ex who has no place in the now, the guy that fails to protect is one who needs to work on himself first. Sure you can coach him and offer a solution so it doesn’t occur again, but with the right guy it will come naturally. And that is forever priceless.
– Jenny Jen
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