If you started dating someone new, and they questioned you about this and that and you said this and that back, and they said “you texted me at this time that and where were you when,” etc., you’d probably walk away, writing them off as cray, another story to share over kir royales on a patio with friends. But yet, when someone you once dated – who you may or may not be sorta, kinda seeing – asks these questions, you write back and justify and play into it. Seriously? You need this?
But I get it. You write back because you have all that history. Because you think they deserve it. Because you realize this is a pattern of theirs and you kind of understand where they’re coming from. The unfortunate thing about this pattern (and someone questioning your every which move – as well as your interest) is that there’s an evident lack of trust. An evident lack of confidence. A sense of over reaction. A feeling of not being good enough on their end. A needingness on your end to buy into it and spend your night back and forth messaging with them, no longer at the venue your at, your new locale is the world that exists in your phone.
And so, if you entertain this you are likely aware of the unhealthyness of it all. But you try to flatter. You try to prove them otherwise. Because at one point of life there was a love there; a feeling stronger than any other of the world both felt and shared. What you need to know my little pleaser you, is no matter what you say, or what reassurance you give, their mind is made up. The issue isn’t about you per say, but it is about the past. Past wrongs. Past hurt. And by buying into it, you get wrapped up into that place you once were. A place – for some reason or another – you decided to walk away from.
How easy it is to get trapped in the past. We’re not getting any younger, and maybe we haven’t found another yet, so we try to maintain something that once was, despite the clear red flags. They say the first step towards change is awareness. Notice the role you play in this pattern of sorts, and also realize the more you get trapped in these ways of being, the more you lose out at something that would be less conflicted. Less wrong. More right.
– Jenny Jen
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