The same moment you realize you are settling with the person you’re seeing is likely the same moment you should end things. Sounds harsh but really it’s rather mature. Because if ultimately you want to find love and a forever after (don’t we all?) then you won’t be able to do that while passing time with someone who may not even be deservant of it. Because they will have your attention; they will be your go-to when you want a dinner, a plus one, a booty call or what not.
If you don’t like the lack of availability of the guy that you’ve been “seeing” for the past 4 months (hypothetically of course.) Don’t think things will just change if you’ve noticed over the past handful of months, it’s been the same. If he’s sort of wishy washy and available to you on his terms, or doesn’t appreciate you for all you are, walk away, pretty. Sure you might be lonely for the first little bit, after all when a whole ‘no strings attached’ kind of relationship lasts for months on end, weekend after weekend, day after day, text after text, drinks after drinks, it likely becomes more than that, even if that’s not what either of you want; even if that’s what neither of you planned. Once things seem comfortable, we often do them on autopilot. You might even be seeing him because you think “he’ll do for now.” But for now won’t last forever.
In your latter twentysomethings, you reach a knowingness that you can be ok on your own. I am lady, hear me roar. With the lessons you’ve learned, you’re likely an independent, successful little lady and you don’t “need” a man, though it would be a nice bonus; the last piece to the full package in which you are. But a guy who only makes you an option in his life, shouldn’t be a priority in yours. I’ve learned from my most relationship just how amazing a gent can treat you. Just how supportive he can be. Stop wasting your time, telling yourself ‘What’s one more last hurrah?’ because we get so caught up in patterns. They become almost too comfortable, even when they’re not all that fulfilling.
You can most certainly end things with someone you might not even be dating. Like Berger’s infamous (and classically concise post-it,) it’s as simple as saying “It’s over.” To the next!
– Jenny Jen
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