Permission to date and “politics”

There are some people you shouldn’t date.  Not because they are bad people.  Not because they are bad looking.  Purely, because they are off limits.  I’ve written about the off-limits guy before and the list usually looks like:

– a boss
– a family friend of your parents
– your best friends ex
– your siblings best friend
– someone in your office
– a client
– your parents ex
– one of your exes

But outside this list the sea in which one can hook a fish should be large and vast, right?  Apparently not.  With the six degrees of separation that is being a social being, there are often other limits drawn out by other people.  Politics if you will.  And there’s a sense or knowingness that you should abide by these politics.  And that in and of itself makes you want that person all the more, because let’s face it, who doesn’t want what they can’t have?

So no, it’s probably not ok to start a thing with that guy you met at an engagement party one night that just so happened to go home another night (a few years back) with a once-close girlfriend of yours. And no, it’s probably not ok to start a thing with your brothers best friends younger brother.  Because in scenarios such as these, someone, somewhere, will feel just a little bit of awkwardness; just a little bit off-put.  It should go noted however that this person I am referring to is not you, not the fella of your fancy, but instead, some outside “other.”

How unfortunate.  How disappointing.  How childish.

To take others into consideration is an important trait to have.  It’s what makes us genuine, young souls.  It’s what makes us caring beings, all for one and one for all.  But to fore-go an opportunity simply because a somewhat unconnected other might feel uncomfortable down the road is no reason to cut ties before they have even been threaded together.  Because what if this gent and you turn out to have mad chemistry?  What if this gent and you were meant to cross paths and start something because isn’t that how the world really works anyways?  What if you’re supposed to navigate through the politics – as much as a put off as that might be – and both end up feet on the ground, standing, scarless?

Maturity comes from growth.  From acceptance.  From the ability to take control over your life, your instincts, your decisions, your vitality.  How sad it is to see – what has the potential to be something firework inducing – one be held back by the concerns of another.  Insert image of a puppet master here.  Not the most pleasant of metaphors, placed here with purpose but of course.

Break free from the restraints and worries of your mind.  Be bold enough and wise enough to take control of your own being and handle things like a man, for a lack of better words.  The moment you begin navigate through your own life – both the could-be-challenges and the little-lustful-moments – is when you truly can come into your own.  It’s when you’re usually confronted with that which you didn’t know was possible.  For when we are decisive and content and our best selves, we attract a healthy like minded mate to act as a bonus to our fabulous lives.

So perhaps one might judge.  So perhaps one might shake their head that you would go against their unspoken wishes.  But, c’est la vie.  Life happens and at that point it is up to them to deal with it how they see fit.  If they are a close other, they might hold a momentary grudge, but all the same they’d likely be proud that you were authentic enough to trust your gut and take on a situation proudly and honestly, despite the aftermath that could be.

I never ask another who I can and cannot date.  I never need permission on who to invest my feelings and my being with.  Instead, I make mention of the situation and make note that the decision that at the end of the day is my call.  I like to think that calls on some type of respect from another.  It comes down to being honest and not tip-toeing or deceiving.  Putting it out there though not asking for a comment, just being big enough to inform.

Forget politics (so long as dude isn’t on the off-limits list above) and break free, bitches.

– Jenny Jen

Photo credit: Source.

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One thought on “Permission to date and “politics”

  1. Great post! I went through this same situation a month or so ago, where I asked out an acquaintance of one of my ex’s (trust me when I say they were nothing more) Her best friend was pretty close with my ex, so that was the extent of the connection.) She gladly accepted, we went out for apps and drinks, and had a great evening! We kept in touch over the next several days, were planning our next date, when I about a week later I get the “I don’t think I can do this to (said ex)”. While it was a little disappointing, I was happy to learn earlier than later that she was someone who defines her self worth by what others think…and that don’t cut it for this kid! Anyway, I really enjoyed the post, and all of them for that matter! And you definitely have all the cred in the world with your post on girls who “emotionally cheat” (I think it’s the work boyfriend one?) Well done, and keep up the amazing work! You’re gonna’ be #bigtime!

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