When you are the one who does the breaking up, you must realize you are the keyholder of control. Therefore – should you want to contact the person you dumped down the road – once, twice, maybe a third time if you’re ever-so-ambitious and have yet to hear back from them, then you my little lady need this reminder.
I will try to be soft, though that’s not entirely what you need right now, so I will just as much so try to be thorough:
Do yourself, do him, and do both of your friends (and potentially family) a favour and let him be. Yes, I said it. Leave the poor pal alone. Do not reach out to inquire about anything. Do not reach out because you’ve had a few drinks and it’s after midnight. Do not reach out because you are feeling lonely. Not only did you likely crush his heart and ego, but by contacting him after the fact (no matter what the reason or if you justify to yourself that it’s “really important”) stop yourself. Save yourself, your reputation and him.
We give up control in that very moment that we find need for it. If we choose to contact him and are met with deaf ears, we are quick to use that as validation on why we were right to end things with him in the first place. That or we try to hook our former flame into giving us some sort of response, using words to try to get their now-lost attention. We re-write the story of what once was with more judgmental, darker lenses. If we do get a response from the ex, it often leads to back and forth messaging, a he says/she says if you will. If you have made the grand decision to quit the relationship, quit with the follow up all the same. This person is no longer a part of your life, so you have no idea what they are going through. For all you know, your messages can be a set back, throwing more salt into the open wound, doing more harm than good.
To be the hero in your own life story is to act gracefully. To realize that you can’t control others, but you do have control over how you behave. There is no need to be right, to gain control, to seek some type of response when they feel hurt and want nothing more than to be set free from you. Just move forward and do so in a way that makes you proud, as opposed to regretful.
– Jenny Jen
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