You’re invited to join a group of friends for a halloween themed, falls day event. You feel great being included and invited to tag along – appreciative that they don’t see your single ass as a third wheel – and though you no doubt want to join them on the fun, you can’t help but think of your ex, knowing he would’ve loved to be a part of this gettogether. A part of you wants to shoot him a text to include him, or to even share with him what you’re doing (knowing it would put a smile on his face) but you know better than to mess him up in your constantly changing emotions. You know by updating him on your whereabouts and sharing this moment – even if it’s over the phone – might just give him words to misconstrue, confusing him about your intentions. So you resist the urge, and prep for your day full well knowing if he found out about it, it would trigger a soft spot – even for but a moment – a silent wish on his end that he could be there, despite everything.
In relationships we plan for the future in just about every moment. ‘Oh that apple picking farm sounds adorable, we should check it out,’ or ‘I hear the haunted houses in Niagara are unreal, we’ll have to go around Halloween.’ We plan this and we plan that. Parties to host, places to vacation, restaurants to try, adding one thing after the next on the ongoing to-do list, that same list every couple compiles when in good company.
So what happens when you get invited to be a part of these to-do’s you once planned with him? How do you accept these invites and play out moments that you pictured him being a part of, without letting those thoughts take over your present? How do you find the strength to keep on keeping on when there is an obvious longing, whether it means something or not? And most importantly, how do you deal when you see your significant other playing out your future, with company that isn’t you?
This person is no longer in your life. At least not right now. So how unfair it would be to allow their silent influence to affect your decisions, your behaviour and your opportunity to embrace an invitation for a good time, especially when these are things you’ve wanted and hoped to do. We are the ones who choose how we want to move forward. We can create a party within each moment, if only we don’t hold ourselves back. Celebrate the moments you are given, acknowledge the sentimental factor, and feel fortunate that you were with a person who wanted to plan for the future with you. But that future that you planned is your now. They are no longer here to be a part of it with you, but this moment is yours for the taking. Take it.
– Jenny Jen
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