What Is Fate?


On a drive downtown, my lift got two flat tires causing me to somehow find myself on the subway, a mode of transportation I rarely ever take, thanks to having my own car and usually living/being downtown where everything I need is at my doorstep. As I got on the subway, I sat in a corner, trying to distract myself though there clearly were no distractions in sight. I looked down at my phone that lacked reception – yet again – to check the time, and realized I have a ways to go before I get to my destination. But then, it happened. As I looked up at a stop, taking in and people watching those who were heading both on and off the train, I saw him.

My heart sunk and my stomach immediately knotted up, as I was confronted with an ex boyfriend of mine who I dated for a good three years or so. It’s been a very long time since I had last seen him, and I didn’t really expect to run into him yet again. My instincts caused me to immediately look down, so as not to attract his attention with eye contact. But then, my mind started to wander. How fate like it is that I even showed up on this subway to begin with. How bizarre it is that I never take the subway, I’m never coming from as far north as I did that evening, and yet here we both are, on the exact same subway cart.

We ended up sitting next to each other, exchanging words, making the only smalltalk ones can make after being in love with one another and sharing a life together, to now being completely cut out of one anothers lives, knowing nothing at all but their appearance. As the subway came to a stop and we got off together, it was easy for me to walk away. Sure, I felt like it happened for a reason, but instead of creating some grand story in my head that we’re destined for one another I realized it likely happened so we could have a conversation and a sense of closure in a very public (yet private) well lit place, and clear the air once and for all. No where to run. No where to go. No phone to hang up or ability to throw yet another email to junk mail. No way to avoid the elephant in the room, what happened after our relationship, and talk about it in a mature way, in a setting that offered us a set-time limit. Instead we were forced to deal with our past, in a right here right now kind of setting.

How amazing time is. To sit there without the feelings once felt, to sit there and to not feel regret. To sit there and know you made it through something you never thought possible, and have no need to reexamine it. I walked off that subway, heart and head held intact and appreciated that minor moment we both shared with one another, realizing how random – yet necessary – it was. Things happen when you least expect it. Things happen when you finally no longer have the need to confront them.

– Jenny Jen

Photo Credit: Source.

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