‘Do’ With No Expectations


The dating world is fun, fulfilling, enchanting, exciting and challenging all in one. In the early stages, we rarely just do but instead we contemplate, then decide whether to do or not to do (after endless analyzing with friends). Doing means acting in a certain way. Doing comes in many forms: a compliment, a surprise, taking initiative, preparing a meal, getting a little gift or something to show you care, etc. We often contemplate doing because often doing stems from wanting to make a certain type of impression, or sends a certain type of message.

But the answer is simple, ask yourself: am I doing this because it is innate and I genuinely want to, or I am doing it to get some sort of response. If your answer is the latter, than stop yourself in your tracks. My golden blonde rule at deciding whether or not I want to compliment or spoil someone is both a) if it comes naturally, and b) if I am doing so not to illicit any type of response, but because it in and of itself will make me happy (even if it goes unacknowledged).

Giving is in fact getting. You get from yourself when you give, because you have a knowingness that you want to make someone else happy. Where many of us blondies go wrong is when we do or say something, in a fishing for compliments kind of way. I get it, we all want to feel special, reassured, admired and desired, so we think maybe, just maybe we can lead by example. Right? Wrong! When we do something with the expectation of something in return it comes with a cost. The cost is one which we inflict on ourselves: disappointment, frustration, insecure thoughts and feelings of being unfulfilled. Avoid putting yourself in that helpless position.

If you want to do something for your man, or even want to tell him about how you feel or whatever it is, do so only if you know you will be happy, content and unaffected if he doesn’t acknowledge it. If not, you will end up building resentment and you may even go as so unwarrantedly far as to throw it in his face. ‘Well I made you a five course dinner, and surprised you at work, and let you watch the Heat game on our date night…” etc. You undo whatever good deeds you’ve done when you complain about it, making him pay for your generousity. Hone in on your intentions and make sure they are clear before you do, my dear. If not, even if you think you’re doing something good at the time, you’ll both have to deal with the disappointment in the long run.

– Jenny Jen

Photo Credit: Source.

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One thought on “‘Do’ With No Expectations

  1. Lovin' this post Jen. You know how well it speaks to me. Thanks relationship guro ; ) I whole-heartedly agree with what you said that when you give you get. That's why I'm a huge fan of gift-ing – it makes me feel good inside to know I made someone else feel special.

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