Oh how easy we think it would be if everyone’s life stories were displayed as an open book. We could learn whether or not we want to get involved with a character, based on previous chapters, but life just don’t work out that way. Instead, we go through the process of getting to know people through the passage of time. When it comes to dating, we at first go on dates with just him, observing his personality through his own stories, how he treats us and the servers and people we come across, and if he passes our test on that stuff, we start incorporating him into our lives. Once we’ve transitioned him in, if he fares well, he becomes part of a new story line in the ongoing book: The Story of Us.
Slowly but surely we learn more and more about our partners. From first fights, to resolving them, to happy/playful moments (ticklefests, eskimo kisses, raspberries, oh my!) and ongoing laughter that makes us question if we’ve ever been so happy before. By spending quality time together, letting our wall down and letting him in, stronger feelings begin to emerge. With this added comfort and heart on our sleeves, we begin to share more openly. About our past, about our present, our concerns, fears and restrictions. And it’s not easy. And it’s scary. Because when we share ourselves with someone else we put ourselves in a vulnerable position. But to be able to get to that place with someone is something that should be noted. It’s the connection you have, this strong bond, that makes for the backdrop to being your most authentic self – flaws and quirks and all.
Relationships will last with a partner who allows space for your vulnerabilities. Who can express loving kindness and embrace said vulnerabilities with compassion, even if they themselves don’t understand it. We restrict ourselves from sharing all of us out of fear of loss, but that which we restrict should be the aspects of ourselves that we should most focus on. The more we give ourselves away, the more we receive in return. Take the leap and leave your book on the counter to be read, so to say.
Every Thursday evening, I take an hour to write in a journal focusing on a certain thought, memory or moment. My challenge for myself this week is to read one weeks piece to the boy, with the hopes of exposing him to some of my favourite memories, and my current thoughts on life as I know it. I challenge you to find a way that works best for you to be a little more open with your other half this week as well. Let me know how it goes!
– Jenny Jen
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