Do you have more guy friends then girlfriends? Have you often been referred to by your male buddies as ‘one of the boys’? Although I’m as girly as they get, I have a rich bond with my guy friends. These are friends who are like brothers to me. I love them for this brotherhood we share and for who they are as people. With having a handful of close guy friends friends who have been in my life for ten plus years, comes perspective.
Throughout the highs and lows of relationships past, my bro’s have been but a phone call away to help give me perspective. A guys view on what’s going on, based on what I’m telling them. They say men are from mars and women are from venus, the point being that men and women are wired differently. We are meant to be the more emotional of the sexes, often focusing on how we feel when having one of those talks. But although men can listen to how we feel and hold space for it, they are action based. They want to hear a plan on what they can do to help change those feelings.
I think it is ever-so-critical for us women to have close male counterparts, and for our boys to have close girlfriends as well. We often get so caught up with our own patterns, our own ways of being, that we easily assure ourselves that we are right and our partner is wrong. It’s important to have an outsider who cares about you to help you understand your current state of events based on the way guys in general work, on their needs and their wishes for communication. What I’ve learned thus far is it’s always best to be as blunt and honest as you can with your partner. To not fear that asking a question or saying how you really feel will lead to x result. When we sugarcoat our questions or communications to try to play off ‘the cool girlfriend’ role, our guy likely see’s through it and wants us just to get to the point. Not because he doesn’t care, but because he wants to understand what actions caused x and what he can do to prevent that in the future. Testing him or asking him questions when you have a point or resolution, is just wasting energy.
If you don’t have a crew of close guy pals, having at least one who you can go to who knows you inside and out and can be honest with you in return, would likely serve you rather well. And if once had a group of close guy friends, but lost them (inevitably) to jealous girlfriends who came into their lives, then maybe you need to reestablish those connections.
– Jenny Jen
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