After an argument, when a resolution has been reached, we’re back on cloud nine. Things feel new again, and there’s all this new found positive energy to be had. It feels great, and we often pat ourselves on the back for communicating in a healthy way with our other half. We feel like part of the same team, yet again, a moment we were waiting for since the first chord was struck. And then, as we separate from our partners (glowing and relieved) and go on with our day, the memory of the events of what happened still remain. There is that quote “I can forgive, but I can’t forget” and I see a sense of sad in that.
When we argue with our other half, we need to realize that something becomes damaged. Whoever was the partner that pulled back and left the other partner on edge, is the one who has their work filled out. They need to go above and beyond in initiating and contacting their once hurt partner, to ensure things can get back to how they were.
In situations where one is ‘waiting’, there becomes too much space to think the worst; to create stories to fill in the blank of the passing of time. Insecurities are often touched upon in the most raw way possible, before a resolution or even a conversation even arises. This feeling of rejection, confusion, disappointment, helplessness and frustration are all brought to the forefront. Which is why, after a fight, and after a resolution is made, it is ever-so-important to remind your partner why you are with them. And that you want to be with them. The other person is likely in a fragile state and – though wanting to so-very-badly believe that everything is ok and back to ‘normal’, based on the pulling away and lack of communication (there is always one of the two that is the culprit of that) – this person needs extra TLC.
I’m not one for playing games and I always suggest that my readers should be as direct as possible. After arguments there is often a new found need of reassurance, of acceptance, of love from our partners. So instead of following the normal course of daily action, send them a message to let them know you’re thinking of them, send them a calendar invite to a hot one-on-one date with you at your place, or even give them a call just to say hi and that you can’t wait to see them the end of day.
In order for things to work out (and work out well), both partners need to be just that, partners. On the same page, with a mutual respect and understanding of one another. As easy as it is to ‘just be’ after fights, it’s important to go the extra mile to undo what’s been done, to cater to some feelings already cracked, that are in need some maintenance.
– Jenny Jen
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