There are moments in conversations where I wish that – out of nowhere – a spotlight could shine on my already bronzed face. Perhaps a siren would go off. The music (if music is playing) would suddenly stop. These theatrical effects could help my cause, drawing attention to key words I say, putting emphasis on certain sentences and ideas.
If you’re anything like me, then you are familiar with the whole ‘hint hint’ thing. Where you casually say something in “passing” hoping your partner picks up on the fact that what you’re saying isn’t all that casual or in the moment at all. Perhaps it’s mentioning that a friend of yours and her boyfriend are going on a trip, in hopes that he’ll pick up on the fact that you want to start planning one. Perhaps it’s stopping to literally smell the flowers in the florist section of the grocery store just so you can comment on the ones you like and the ones you dislike so he can mentally store that information to use at a later date. There have been so many times in relationships past where I’ve pulled total ‘hint hint’ moments. This isn’t a passive aggressive tactic, but instead a tactic used to not put on pressure when the subject has already been touched upon before.
When we initially say something, we put it out there and give our men the original opportunity to respond, but sometimes things need more time. Their response may be a request to talk about it at a later time, or perhaps their response may be nonchalant, the same as your approach. In this case, if you’ve decided it’s not worth pressuring him about and you do decide to wait, perhaps a more around-about approach is better to not beat the horse with a stick (so to say). I sometimes even say ‘hint hint’ after I say whatever it is that’s on my mind a) to be a little playful and b) to emphasize that I want him to ‘take note’ since that spotlight I was referring to at the beginning of this piece didn’t seem to light up on cue.
Since our life and in turn romances aren’t played out on a set (a la Truman), sometimes we need to do the initial work by putting the thought or idea out there and then sit back and let things be without prompting the script, without re-casting the actor if not pleased with his performance. Men are a smart breed and they listen to us more than we’ll ever know (or give them credit for). He is well aware of your concerns, your wants and your needs and if he’s as into you as you are him then I am certain that – in time – he will cater to them. But by being pushy and bringing up a topic ad nauseam, you will make your concern as artificial as the light you wish to shine on you. Talk about fade to black.
– Jenny Jen
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