There are times when we all wish we had a relationship 911 button on our phone. Perhaps it would dial out to a love doctor who could prescribe us just the right something something to make our current issue a little more tolerable, or even something hard to make us not feel the pain of it. Perhaps it would dial out to a friend who we know could be available to us, at any moment that we are in need of them, but would erase all judgment from that persons mind. Perhaps the button would dial out to a fairy godmother of sorts, whose strong morale and utmost positivity could glide us in the right direction so we could – alongside our prince charming – live happily ever after.
Unfortunately however, this button does not exist. So instead, in a moment of worry or even (dare I say) panic, we are faced with having to either deal with the situation ourselves, confront our other half, sit in silence in hopes that it will pass us by (does it ever?) or call a friend or family member who make up our support system. And that is how we deal. By selecting one of the four options (or perhaps all of them) and making do the best we can.
Support systems we are told are necessary for us to help guide us when we need guiding, to help support us when we aren’t strong enough to support ourselves. The only problem with support systems, when it comes to helping you out with relationship dilemma’s is that friends tend to be innately biased and since they are so supportive of and are always in defense of you, they are often clouded by a judgment or a tone that they aren’t even aware of. They guide you according to what they think will protect you most, as opposed to what the right thing may be to do specific to someone who is in the same situation as you. Worse than this subconscious need to protect, is when they hold onto the complaints, and the suspicions and all the thoughts you feel when you aren’t feeling as hot as you did in your honeymoon-stated-sun and that causes them to hold a grudge.
When going to your friends and/or family members for advice when it comes to your relationship, try to be as objective as you can be, and explain your feelings as opposed to focusing on the actions, words or feelings of your partner. We have well paid couples therapists to help you out with the deep rooted stuff. Friends – though sometimes good to vent to – hold grudges and judge your partner according to your descriptions. If you infuse them with just the negative and give them a run down of all the bad, they will find it harder to see any good, the same good which drew you to the person in the first place.
If we want to sort ourselves out, we need to – instead of putting cause and blame on our partner – focus on our feelings and investigate whether this is a pattern exclusive to us that we may have exhibited in past relationships, and how we can change these feelings to work out in our situations.
– Jenny Jen
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