The merry-go-round of sleeping around ensures that you and at least one of your closest friends sat on the same ceramic pony at least once. Perhaps this was before you two were friends, a part of your earlier twentysomethings, times when going home with a plus one at the end of the night was important as is going out with a plus one is at the beginning of our nights nowadays. Call it the six degrees of separation, but I know you’re sitting there nodding your pretty little head at the obvious but-one degree.
Finding out that someone else has slept with your boyfriend, especially a close friend is always a bit tough to get your head around. Not as if you don’t have a past yourself, but you know whatever they experienced with them was just a piece of them, probably a completely different persona than the in-the-bedroom role he plays with you. So when you hear that they had a one night stand (from one of the two who wants you to be in the know so you don’t find out from someone else and wonder why no one told you) it’s no wonder you’re taken aback. You suddenly have to arrange your face and voice to appear anything but insecure and awkward. Not only is it always on your mind from then on in, but it creates a sudden subconscious distance between you and your friend. That is, until you are done with the guy in question and some time passes as you move on, and the truth about their circumstances come out.
Last night I was talking to a fellow twentysomething about a guy from both of our pasts. When me and this former flame started dating, she made me well aware of their before-me rendez vous, but it wasn’t until last night, years later (while we were on the topic of growing up) that I actually asked her how he was. It was interesting to hear her account of him, their experience and for me to silently realize how different my time behind closed doors was, and how I made a big deal about them in my head all these years when her account didn’t even compare to what I had imagined. I have other girlfriends who have had an overlapping with a certain guy they were with and hearing their tales is like hearing about someone else. What is good for some is looked down upon by others. No two experiences are all that much the same. We allow ourselves to feel threatened by our men’s past, when we could care less and are well aware how behind us ours is.
– Jenny Jen
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