You’re out with the girls. It’s one of those nights. You know, the type of night that you’ve been looking forward to and planning (somewhat) to a tee all week. Never been worn before outfit. Check. A bottle of previously chilled Kettle One and accompanied bottle of soda. Check. A walk in appointment at your friendly neighbourhood Blo Bar. Check. A pair of flats in your clutch as a ‘just in case’. Check. This night is not like all the others.
Instead, this is a night where you’re ready to break free from yourself. Goodbye worries. Goodbye thoughts of him. Goodbye checking your phone hoping that you’ll hear something, anything from him. Goodbye wondering why you haven’t heard from him, forcing yourself to push away your thoughts of him with another, and no plans to send a hopeful 2am sext. After all this time you’ve decided to finally let go of wasting your nights in hope and no longer are you willing to end them with incessant phone calls and tears and remnants of a broken heart cutting through the bottom of your empty glass. So, it’s no wonder that – when you’re standing at the bar and a guy leans in to talk to you – out of the corner of your hazel hued eyes, you see Him.
It’s a situation all too familiar. Just when we think we are over our exes, they always seem to come up right then and there to give us a run for our money. To test our strength. To challenge what we’ve convinced ourselves we no longer want and need. Your stomach instantaneously knots up. Your throat becomes choked. You catch yourself laughing even more so at the guy your talking to’s drunken banter, and that’s where you’ve lost the battle. Because you no longer are being the you you thought you were but instead are putting on a show in hopes the pangs of jealousy will capture his attention. And they do. And so, he walks over (looking better than you ever remembered) and asks to buy you a drink. He asks with those lips, looking at you with those eyes. And maybe this time will be different you tell yourself. And you raise a glass to hope and savour a sip of familiarity.
In an I-don’t-want-to-get-involved-in-this/figure your shit out fashion, the guy you were initially chatting with walks away. As does your chance to move on. Like the movie Sliding Doors suggests, dependant on our decisions we in turn end up leading lives with different fates. What if you gave someone else a chance? Yourself. How many doors have you let slide shut, oblivious to the fact that the one you’re knocking at is locked shut?
It’s called a breakup because it’s broken. How easy it is for us to remember who he was at the beginning. We often take that for granted, clinging on to every word and when time allows him to show us who he really is, we don’t believe it. And so we sit and wait, and wait for that guy who first swept us off our feet to come back. And when he doesn’t, we live our future in our past ruining opportunities and love that comes our way. Let go. Free yourself. Break free and lead a life that exists in the present, with efforts to create a future based on your wants, needs and compassion for yourself. You could have it so much better.
– Jenny Jen
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