When it comes to favours, or simply wanting something from someone, we often times – without knowing it – put on an unnecessary amount of pressure which in turn makes people resentfully abide to our request. This pressure results in people doing things for us not because they genuinely want to, but because they feel as though they have too. And if you’ve ever been in the company of someone who is doing something because they feel like they have to, then you know you’re better off not having them do it in the first place, because their energy, mood and lack of being there (even though they are) will just completely take over the tone of the room, you being ever aware of them not wanting to be there. So knowing this, and knowing how we feel when others put us on the spot, why do we still do it to others?
Think of when you’re invited out for a friends birthday/house warming/going away party/whatever the event is, and not only do they invite you via Facebook, but they also remind you over text and then call you point blank saying ‘You’re coming, right?’ Whether you planned on coming or not, suddenly becomes irrelevant and it then becomes about whether you’re coming or whether you have a good enough excuse (which you’ll likely be asked 100 questions about).
The problem with this presumptuous question is that you are placed in a position where you’re put on the spot, unable to respond as you want. If you say no, you are faced with the immediate disappointment from your friend, and that in and of itself is often worth sucking it up and attending.
Well I don’t know about you pretty girl but I’m not in the business of making someone feel uncomfortable, and neither should you. Yes we are adults and no theres nothing wrong with wanting your friend to make an appearance at your event (or whatever your situation of choice is) however, it isn’t adult to put someone on the spot, making them have to justify or defend their wants or needs. At this age, people know what they want to do. We need to be able to accept that not all our friends will make it out for our special day and we need not take it personally. Life happens. Things come up. One ‘Not Attending’ a defriend does not make. Instead, be proud that you have a friend who is authentic enough to admit that they have something else going on and that they won’t attend.
Asking someone a question via Facebook Private Message or Email takes the pressure off them as opposed to putting them on the spot. It allows them time to think and devise a response, without subjecting them to pushyness. I understand you’re anxious and you want an answer like a minute ago, but life is about patience, not pushiness. It’s also about acceptance so mentally prepare yourself for whatever the response is, whether it works in your favour or not and then practice acceptance. Don’t take it personally. But please, give the other person the chance to think and make a decision within their own time. How awful it is when people say yes to our requests, then back out of the commitments. This is worse off than had they had just said no in the first place, as our imaginative minds already create an expectation and play out the future event with them in it.
The fact is we will all do what we want to do, and when you pressure someone to do something, you are at the same time ensuring yourself that they won’t enjoy the time they spend while doing it. See thats the thing when we feel like we are doing chores or merely doing something for someone else, we feel resentful for we didn’t have the option to make our own decision. We’ve all been there so when you’re throwing out a question let your friends true colours show (as well as your own) as you let them think about it and don’t hound them for a response. Hey, you can even ask them the question and follow it by saying ‘no pressure’ just so they feel a sense of ease and relief. After all, life shouldn’t be taken so seriously, right?
– Jenny Jen
Photo Credit: BANEFUL & BEAUTIFUL.