The Text that Never Existed

Drunken night out. Vodka soda lime in one hand, phone in the other. Your all-over-the-place fingers try to type out an all-over-the-place message all while you balance your drink in the overflowing short cup, taking stops to sip. Send. A minute passes. No response. Immediate regret. Delete sent message, put phone back in clutch. Pretend it never existed and hope that come morning, you won’t remember it did.

Technology and drinks don’t seem to be a cocktail well mixed. The tales I’ve heard are ones of deep concern for many. But no matter how much we wish we didn’t give in, sending a message that sends the wrong message in and of itself, unfortunately there is no pause button. Nor a rewind, nor a delete that can un-send what has already been sent. I’ve written about the two-drink maximum a handful of times, for two is the magic number for you to maintain your control (and likely class and calm to boot).

Let’s face it ladies, with unlimited libations comes inhibited actions. Words uttered that – though you might want to say them – you wouldn’t dare without the gentle push from the third drink. So, how can you prevent yourself from letting your inner wild child (cc: slut) from booty calling your entire address book?

Here are some need to knows:

1) Spring Cleaning: Ever scroll through your address book in your phone, only to see the name of each and every guy you’ve hooked up with starting from when you got your cell phone? Sure it is a pleasant reminder and sure you may tell yourself you’re ‘cool’ and ‘desirable’ to have sooo many peoples numbers in your phone, but chew on this: How embarrassing it is to wake up to remember that you sent a message to a dude you haven’t banged in six months (or more). Not only does it show him you’re in midst of an out-of-control night, but it also shows him that you still (for some reason) have his number stored in your phone. Save yourself from embarrassment by doing a spring cleaning of your phone. Like now.

2) Give it to a Friend (your phone that is): If you know you don’t want to have one of those ‘keeping count of your drinks’ kinds of nights and you know you’ll likely ‘be bad’ when it comes to restraining your dirty mind and fingertips from sexting your night away, have one of your fellow blonde, bronzed, twentysomethings toss your cell into her purse. Keep it on vibrate so she can tell you when you get a message, but with this pre plan you can actually focus on your night, your buzz and your day after sanity.

3) Let it Be: If you send a text, and you delete it after you send it, and you remember this when you wake up (though not certain exactly what you said), there’s no need to avoid your phone all day. There’s also no need to get yourself down on the fact that – though you regret it – he never wrote back. Nor do you need to apologize or explain yourself or try to ‘get yourself out of’ whatever it is you got yourself into. You’ve woken up after an early night in to a 2am message from a boy, your best friend has woken up after an early night in to a 2am message from a boy, we all have. Better to just let it be, accept that what’s done is done, and realize that they likely realize where you’re at. No need for words or excuses, those my friend only further drags out what shouldn’t have even went on in the first place.

Safe texting my ladies. Keep it clean.

– Jenny Jen



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