Control as an Operative Word

“In order to be successful, one must project an image of success.”

I recently ran in to a former dating partner. He looked good. He had lost some weight. He appealed to me more so than usual partly because it had been so long since I had last seen him, partly because he projected a confidence. A confidence he lacked when we had ended off. But the sneaky little thing is, someone can play the part, but as soon as they stumble on their lines, we’re reminded that appearances can be deceiving.

Our twentysomethings are supposed to be all about ‘control’. Even if we lack it, it’s important for many of us to give off the impression we have it. We do this all while thinking if we play the part, maybe we can fool people into buying it (even ourselves).

I always say that confidence is key. The fact is, when you feel good about yourself, you project that image and other people are drawn to that. You may not be in control of your life, but if you keep up the idea of it, eventually it will come. So we think.

When I think of control not being what it appears, I think of the guys who hook up with the same girl over a long period of time, but leave things in an ambiguous state. They are attracted to them, they fool around, they cuddle and are having a great time. And each time this happens, the guy suddenly backs away. He gets up and fiddles around, he distracts himself. He suddenly loses that original projection he put off. He instead looks weaker because his actions and words don’t go together. He looks confused, unwilling to settle yet unwilling to let go. Mr. So-in-control-of-his-feelings thinks he looks like he’s in control by keeping his distance, yet he still is holding on to something. Even what, he doesn’t know.

Success therefore, is when your actions can single-handedly match your words. There is no self-doubt, no confusion of all-over-the-place feelings. When we do what we say, say how we feel and feel comfortable in our own skin, that alone symbolizes a success many people take years to accomplish.

– Jenny Jen



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