I’m Not Listening

I wish I could be one of those girls who doesn’t listen. I picture the movie ‘My Girl’ where Vada plugs her ears with her fingers and sings a song aloud to block out things she didn’t want to hear. She was a tough cookie, and a smart one at that. But at the tender age of twentysomething, if I did that publicly I’d be deemed crazy. So instead I have to listen to what I don’t want to hear, trying to block it out, though the damage is done as soon as it’s said.

Have you ever let peoples opinions of the person your dating get to you?
You know how you feel about him, you really do, but you can’t help but be somewhat ‘swayed’ when your constantly hearing other peoples thoughts, even when you disagree with them in the moment. As they whisper stuff to you about the dude, you listen, but then list off a good quality of his and you guys wander off to the next subject of gossip. At a later time, you start to think about what they said and you begin to wonder what other people think. And you feel awful doing this because no one see’s how the two of you are behind closed doors, and no one knows that intense chemistry you guys have, and these things can’t be explained, since they are so strongly felt and shared between you and the boy, but your view becomes suddenly tainted.

I remember a certain someone I was crazy about. Though he isn’t the typical ‘tall/dark/handsome/meterosexual’ look most twentysomething women go after, he was perfect for me. Just my type. He had a scruffy face, a collection of plaid shirts, wore scarves and layered his clothes and had killer sarcasm. The banter between the two of us was endless. Though he wasn’t a good on paper guy, he was still a good guy. A fun one. One of the few with the ability to keep even me on my toes. I felt like I met my emotional match. We were totally on the same page, and I attracted to him like none other. But my friends would share their thoughts, saying so-and-so was better looking, or so-and-so had a better job, or so-and-so would offer me a better life. And eventually, all these comments got to me.

I’m not big on regrets. I have few. But listening to other people when I know how I feel is a big one.

– Jenny Jen


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