Let’s face it, though we may be the belle of the ball under most circumstances, there are some times when an invite doesn’t come our pretty, little way. Sad, but true. Now back in the day, if we were excluded from an event – so long as people kept their mouths shut – there could be a chance that we’d never find out. But nowadays, we are bound to find out about the event via Facebook, before it even takes place. We are then reminded of the event over and over again, through people’s ‘Omg I’m so excited’ wall posts, status updates and finally, through pictures of the event, which are always bound to make an appearance.
No one likes to be excluded. I don’t care if you don’t like the person who is throwing the party, I don’t care if you’re going to be out of town that day anyways and wouldn’t have been able to make it; it all comes down to that whole ‘It’s the thought that counts’ thing we hold so near and dear. And when we are excluded from something, we can’t help (if even for but a moment) feel a bit down. And by a bit down I mean like a total loser. We create all these ideas in our head about why we weren’t invited and that my friends, is even more depressing.
So what happens when you’re excluded? You find out that the event is coming up and you’re disappointed and shocked that you weren’t invited. Do you say something, or do you let it go? Do you cut this person out of your life, your ego being the source behind your actions? How we respond to situations says more about us then someone else.
I remember not being invited to a friends birthday when we were ten. I was always scared of dogs and would never accept offers to go play after school, because I knew I’d be on edge and uncomfortable when there. So for her tenth birthday, when she was having a slumber party, her and her parents decided not to invite me because they knew I wouldn’t go anyways and they weren’t going to get rid of their dog for the night. This I found out years later when I had the wisdom and inner confidence to bring it up when I ran into her. If only I knew that then, I thought to myself. I spent so much time going through feelings of rejection and exclusion, as well as feelings of there being an elephant in the room whenever I saw her, before this clarification discussion.
You don’t lose anything by checking in with your friend. Sending them a brief BlackBerry message, text, or email – something that doesn’t put them on the spot – and say something along the lines of you noticing you were excluded and you wanted to check in and see if things are all good between you. Your intention for this isn’t to get a pity-invite, but instead to gain some clarity. We often walk around oblivious to our effects on others. I say ask in a non-threatening way, giving them the opportunity to think about their response and then listen to it. It could’ve even been an oversight, so don’t waste your time selling yourself short and letting this lack of inclusion get to you, party girl. And what if your friend doesn’t respond to your big-girl way of tackling this ‘situation’? Well then that’s just tacky. Who needs fake friends anyways? Not I.
– Jenny Jen
Photo Credit: BANEFUL & BEAUTIFUL