Mrs. Ari Gold, How I Envy Thee


I watched the Entourage premier the other night (who didn’t?) and couldn’t help but feel a little revved up as I watched Ari Gold go about his wicked ways. There is something so sexy about him; the way he talks, the things he has the balls to say, his self-assuredness and matter-of-factness. He is a strong, powerful man, always in the sharpest suits with sharp wit and tone to boot. What’s not to drool over?

If you want a man who defines being a man, then Ari Gold is what you are looking for. And I know my guy friends wish they could pull off what he get’s away with. So it’s no wonder, when the camera zooms to Mrs. Ari Gold, all that us blonde, bronde, twentysomethings can think of is ‘that bitch.’


No, we are not jealous of her because she gets whatever she wants from Ari when he fucks up (which she so does, that bitch!) And no, we are not jealous of her because she has a dream house/body/rock on her finger (that bitch!) But instead, she is the envy of women everywhere (including every girl that sat in front of the flatscreen with me on Sunday night,) because of her husbands allure and name. Hence, her character is referred to solely as ‘Mrs. Ari Gold,’ her real name not important because he makes her who she is.


As we watch this power-couple banter, my girlfriends and I all started chatting about our not-so-secret crushes on Ari Gold and the naughty, little things we would do to him. And in turn, the naughty, little things we’d allow him to do to us.

Then a realization hit: Ari Gold (played by Jeremy Piven) is the man we want to bed, not Jeremy Piven himself. Ari Gold is just a character. If I had the opportunity to roll in the hay with Jeremy Piven, I don’t think I’d be so interested (unless he role played, but that’s another story.) Would you?

Isn’t it crazy how us impressionable young ladies fall for silver-screen and big screen actors because of the characters they are typecast as, as opposed to the person themselves? This thought made me broaden to thoughts about what women want and what we look for in a man. Girl’s go gaga over Twilight’s Ed Cullen, not Rob Pattinson. They like ‘the idea of’ his character and what his character represents. Another example of a guy we all crush on is Michael Cera in pretty much every role he plays. Michael Cera is typecast as the exact same character in every movie and TV show. We think he is goofy and funny and swoon over his awkwardness. Yet, look at the guy. Enough said, right? In fact, if we were to pass him (or Jeremy Piven, or Rob Pattinson) on the street, I don’t think we’d even turn our heads, nor would we push down our aviator Ray Bans to the tip of our nose so we could get a better look. We’d likely just walk on by, because these men aren’t the foxiest (at least not physically anyways.)

They say it’s what’s on the inside that counts and it couldn’t be more true. Ever go on a date with a boy who you weren’t so attracted to, only to fall for his captivating personality? I’ve been on dates with people before who have become more attractive to me as I got to know them. Yet we are so willing to write off a guy before we even give him a chance because his Facebook profile picture doesn’t fit the idea of our dream guy in our head.

So yes, we envy the female characters that get the man of our fancy, but if we truly look at the person, we may no longer have a craving to fulfil.

What male character is your fantasy man?

– Jenny Jen

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2 thoughts on “Mrs. Ari Gold, How I Envy Thee

  1. I freaking LOVE Ari Gold. I love Mrs. Ari Gold too. I just want to be them, LOL!I'm with you on this Jen…oh and I wouldn't mind having her body either.

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