The other day an old friend of mine (male) and I met up at a coffee shop for some coffee talk. I had the luxury of living vicariously through his busy-as-can-be dating stories, and was on call for when the expected ‘so what does it mean when she does this?’ question came up.
Mixed messages, boy do they ever drive minds mad. We stand around with our fellow blonde, bronzed, twentysomethings as we replay conversations, and wonder, and try to make sense of what little things mean. And though we can’t get in the head of the person we are pining over, we look to our friends for advice, when we already know the real answer (and just don’t have the courage to take it for what it is.)
Men and Women are said to be different. We are told the sexes think differently, have different intentions and that our brains are even wired differently. We have top-selling books like ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus,’ focussing on the differences and why we will never fully understand the opposite sex. Now, I’m not disregarding this mind set entirely, but I got to be blunt blondies – think about how you act in a certain scenario, and how you feel when taking these actions and then realize when a guy does the same thing to you, it’s pretty clear how he feels.
Exhibit A: He Brings a Friend Along for your “Date”
You make plans with a boy you have been chatting up on every electronic device you own, and you do the typical blow-dry/mani/pedi/wax/new outfit prep just before. You arrive at your meeting point, screen the room and lock eyes with the man of the hour. He breaks that eye contact to continue on a conversation with another man. You take a moment; you get that bewildered look on your face, as you approach him with confusion, with your inner monologue telling you to stop these crazy thoughts – that sure enough he didn’t bring a friend. He brought a friend. That ass hole. Now let me catch you in this very moment. After you come to a ‘that ass hole’ conclusion, us women suddenly don’t want to feel that hurtful rejection, and we let our over analytical minds work overtime and suddenly change that story. Well, i’m here to stop you from creating a new tale in your head. Because no matter how much you want to convince yourself that he brought his buddy along because he wants to be your boyfriend and wants the final approval, that just isn’t so.
Take it or leave it: The red flag has been brought out. This isn’t a mixed message. When you bring a girlfriend along for a sorta scheduled date, you and I (and your friend – nice girl by the way) know that you’re using her as a blocker.
Instead: Be that confident bold, blonde that you are. Don’t bring a friend to do your dirty work and don’t let his friend do his. Look at the situation for what it is, and move forward with someone who wants to spend one on one time with you.
Use Exhibit A as a reference in your confused state. ‘He brings a friend along for your date,’ can be changed to ‘He used to text me non stop everyday and initiate all our convos, and now I get one word answers back from him.’ All you need to do is slide into your Manolo’s for but a minute, and think about what it means when you do that to someone else. It’s as easy as that and will no doubt save you a lot of time and potential heart ache. So say goodbye to mixed messages and hello to sanity, girlfriend.
– Jenny Jen