The Feeler

Spring has sprung and love is in the air. Friends of mine are wanting some summer loving and are stopping at next to nothing to find the one to play the Danny to their Sandy. You know summer is around the corner when you can’t get a coffee date in with one of your besties, because she is booked back-to-back with potential boys for a week straight. Goodbye to the days of sitting at the other side of a dance floor waiting for your crush to approach you, and hello to the days of initiating contact and filling your evenings with dates.

Fellow blonde, bronzed, twentysomethings are using Facebook, dating sites such as J-Date and Plenty of Fish, even Blackberry Messenger and email to make the first move and initiate contact with a guy they think may just have what it takes to fit the bill. The things we first look for are looks (I know, I know, it’s what’s on the inside that counts, however we are initially drawn to people for what we see on the outside), and some chitter-chatter from mutual friends (or directly from his profile) to get an idea of what he may be like. Once we have the info we need, we sit up straight, head held high, and send the first message, and then we eagerly await for his response.

Following that there is some back and forth banter, which results in a set date to see if this person matches up to the ideas you have in your head as to what you want in a partner.

Now, there are certain categories of dating. The first one – the subject of our focus today – is aptly entitled ‘The Feeler’. ‘The Feeler’ is a first time date, where your sole purpose of said date is to ‘feel’ the other person out (no, not literally. Save that for a later phase, sister!) You get a sense of whether you and the person have any chemistry, get to see how they interact with you face to face and how they interact with others, and you feel out whether or not you can see yourself with this person.

Have you been on a feeler date recently? What did you look for in the date that allowed you to determine whether or not to see this person again?

Gotta love intuition because for most people, it is intuition that seals the deal on following up with another date. Sometimes we may decide not to see the person again, only to run into them a year or two later and blown away by their boyish good looks, forget why it didn’t work in the first place, so we set up another date and remain hopeful, though we – very quickly – become reminded of why there was no second date.

I encourage ‘The Feeler’ and recommend that it happens early on in the ‘messaging back and forth’ process so as not to waste any time (though yes I understand, friendly flirting is most definitely fun). We are now in our twentysomethings, with a handful of us looking for love. So let’s put out a feeler, see if the person is for us or not, and if not cut ties and move on to someone who may be better suited for us. The whole going back to a former flame phase is so passe. It didn’t work for a reason. Don’t be shy to remember that and remember, as our girl Carrie Bradshaw says, “You can’t get to your future if your past is present.”

– Jenny Jen


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