It is Monday, which means you have accepted the fact that you didn’t meet the man of your dreams this past weekend and are likely now counting down the days to this upcoming weekend in hopes of finding him this time around. You’re a twentysomething and you’re noticing your friends putting a halt to the serial dating scene and are catching on to the whole settling down with The One kinda trend. Well my relationship seekers, I salute you. You are ready to tame the beast and work on a mature relationship. So you get ready, spend way too much time in front of the mirror, and finally, when you think you are good to go, you head out and begin the scavenger hunt of love. So why can’t you find him anywhere?
There are common flaws people make when looking for the man of their dreams. Be sure not to fall prey to these not-so-dependable plots of action:
1) Going to the same bars. This part is twofold. If you go to the same bars every weekend, chances are other people are going to the same bars every weekend as well. Which means, you aren’t seeing anyone new. It’s nice to go out to a familiar setting because you feel a sense of comfort, but try to venture out to a hidden gem or a bar that you’ve always wanted to go but never do. Secondly, if you go to the same bar that you hear your other friends are going to, you don’t put yourself in the situation to meet someone new. You spend your time catching up with friends and running into familiar faces and less time focussing of finding your match.
2) Having a set idea of what he looks like, what he does, what kind of car he drives…We all have an idea of what kind of guy we see ourselves with. We’ve created this idea based on looking back at the past partners we’ve had and finding similarities. We learn from our past experiences to determine what we want and what kind of guy will work for us. Some girls just want arm candy, others want an opposites-attract type to keep them on their toes, but we all have something in mind: A non smoker, jewish, smart (but not nerdy), metro (but not cheesy), tall, funny, etc. These lists become so extreme that we make it impossible to ever find someone who meets our imaginary mold. Lay off the ‘must have list’ and be open to the unexpected. When we create restraints we are only hurting ourselves – who knows, you could’ve already met the man of your dreams, but wrote him off because he was a smoker.
3) Not checking your bags. Baggage. We twentysomething females so – let’s be honest my readers – chances are we come with luscious blonde hair and some heavy weight baggage. And no, not in an insulting way, but in a realistic way. Ladies, I will tell you this plain and simple, if you’re still lugging around some of that baggage then you shouldn’t be miserable that you haven’t met The One yet. Relationships take upon a sense of maturity. I have a friend who is into the whole Online Dating Community thing. But this person is still hooking up with her ex every chance she gets. If you are still keeping around boys on the side while trying to find The One, you should re-evaluate if you are actually ready.
– Jenny Jen