I’m &*%@!*# Sidney Crosby

Oh what it would be to be the most admired man in Canada at this very moment. The nation is going crazy in cheer-ridden, awe-stricken glory cheering for Sid the Kid. Voices around the nation are chanting ‘Crosby, Crosby, Crosby!’ in harmony. And beg my pardon, but I most certainly wish I were too…in the bedroom.

I’m *&*^$#)! Sidney Crosby. Not really. But when I fall asleep and close my eyes to dream a dream – like the rest of the female (and dare I say some of the male) population tonight – I just might be.

I’m wowed. And I have been since the puck that changed the score from 2-2 to 3-2 for Team Canada went past Miller. It all seems so surreal. So perfect. So cliche. You know those cheesy movies that boast a male lead character that women want to get with and men want to be. The living legend of said character is none other than the man of the hour, Crosby. A man who made our dreams come true on home ice. Who – in overtime – managed to take a beautiful shot, inviting the rest of the team to jump on him as their dreams too had been answered. So, as we sit, and honk, and scream our highly-pitched twentysomething voices off, somewhere out there is Mr. Crosby himself, in a God like state, celebrating in his own way.

I wonder what he is doing? Where he is? Does he feel the same intensity and adrenaline that we are all breathing? Is he on a plane now concerning himself about the race to the Stanley Cup and that goal is but a moment of his past? Does he know the peace and sense of unity he has brought upon so many of us, just by having another day on the job?

For the past five hours my thoughts have had the background track of constant horns, cheering, and sheer joy over a sport that unites us all. So as we bask and glow in all that Canada is, I thought now would be as an important time as ever to breach on the subject of The Puck Bunny. Yes you blonde, bronzed ladies out there. I’m breaking the ice on this topic of intrigue.

Puck bunny: a woman who hooks up with a hockey player, for no other reason than the fact that he is a hockey player. Hockey players have a notorious rap for having hot, blonde wives at home, who cheer them on when they are on home ice. But when they set off to different cities they tend to have girlfriends on the side (re: puck bunny’s) who are perfectly ok with this arrangement. Think what a groupie is to a rockstar.

Hockey players: hot, fit men with rough-around-the-edges injuries that make them that much more masculine and sexy to us. They are admired by their city and have fans who would do anything for a simple autograph. And you get to bed the sucker. The appeal of a hockey player is definitely not tough to figure out. If he’s a fighter – even better. There is nothing like watching the guy you’re dating sweat it out on the ice, win his team the game and then go home to see just the same. Energy. Aggression. Sweat. Score.

But if you are going to tie up your skates and hop into the game, be sure to do it safely (morally and physically). Here are some tips:

– the younger the better. Hockey players tend to get married earlier than most. The younger he is, the less of a chance he has a wife (and family) at home. If you choose to entertain the puck bunny idea, don’t involve other people.

– too young, not so great either. Last summer I was out at a supper club and I managed to catch the eye of an adorable blonde boy. Lucky him. A guy friend of mine came over and asked if he could take a picture of me and this guy, and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes thinking my buddy wanted to make fun of me come morning. Then a promoter I knew came over and had his photographers take some images of us as well. It wasn’t until someone came over congratulating him on winning the MVP award that I realized who it was. Needless to say – though I entertained it for but a second – I rejected this 19 year olds invite to go home with him, and drowned my cradle-robbing sorrows in a hot dog and a night cap. How fitting.

– come to terms with the nature of long distance. Since this guy is flying to a different city every other day, you need to feel ok with this schedule, and ok with the lifestyle he lives.

There are a number of famous blonde, bronzed, twentysomething celebrities who have dabbled in the hockey player pool. This includes (but isn’t limited to): Elisha Cuthbert (both with Sean Avery and Dion Phinaef), Carrie Underwood, Hilary Duff, Kellie Pickler.

I’m going to sign off, doodle the initials “JC” on some paper, and hop into bed. Go Canada Go.


– Mrs. Crosby


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