cou⋅gar [koo-ger] Show IPA
–noun, plural -gars, (especially collectively) -gar.
a large, tawny cat, Felis concolor, of North and South America: now greatly reduced in number and endangered in some areas.
I first heard the term ‘cougar’ used by a group of older guy friends. We were at a bar in a small town. One of those Cheers-like places where everyone knows your name, except they didn’t know mine and I was a total outsider. I knew it too; the second I walked in and glanced around the flourescent-lit room, I prayed I could trade my Manolo’s for my Uggs, and my classic black quilted Chanel for that no-name clutch-like looking bag (that I used to use as a costume purse in grade four), just to blend in and stay off the radar.
The guys I was with referred to their bar of choice as a ‘cougar bar’. Not wanting to look naive, I didn’t ask what a cougar was, but I thought it was defined as poorly dressed women with wavy hair, a mass amount of hairspray, tapered jeans and penciled in lipstick. As time went on and I was almost at the mid-point of my twentysomethings, I finally learned the terms’ actual definition. Actual definitions vary, but for a good laugh and to bread familiarity with the cougar, check out this link: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cougar . I learned the definition not online, but from a boy three years my junior. He taught me the term after we started – what could only be referred to as – a fun and easy love affair, if you will.
Dating a child was nothing short of exciting. So willing to please, ready for direction, an eager beaver. For you blonde, bronzed, twentysomethings out there who are considering getting with a younger guy, and you’re looking for something short term and easy, I highly encourage you to go for it. The younger guy looks up to you as a mature woman who knows her way, and impressed by that, he is sure to want to impress you to show you he knows his. He is not offended when you direct him, nor does he shy away from the out-of-the-box stuff that comes up, but instead he looks at it as a learning experience. I can play a montage of good-time moments of me and the little one (not by size, just by age) and I really don’t have one complaint. I was at a point in my life where I wanted something casual yet exciting, with a person that I could bring a different mentality to the table. A guy to have fun with and establish some sort of bond with. The Demi/Ashtonesque relationship wasn’t just based on sex – though that being said, that was a big aspect. The other aspect was being with someone who looked up to me, was attracted to me, and was able to play with the notion that there was something a little risque and fierce about what was happening that kept us both intrigued. We had great talks and a handful of great dates and a handful of…I’ll stop while I’m ahead. The cougar calls the shots, and the boy toy is on standby ready to comply. How naughty yet utterly fascinating is that?
The weird aspect of dating a younger guy, is that there are no expectations, therefore there are no disappointments. ‘He’s a child, he’s bound to fuck up’, I thought. Thats why when he did one of the sweetest things a guy ever did for me, I ended it. I knew that it would be better to end things on a high note, rather than let it fizzle out. The best part about ending things with someone who looks up to you, who is young and still has so much time and experiences to be had ahead of them, is that they take the break lightly and there’s no awkward neediness that tends to follow in the more emotionally charged relationships. As relieved as you are for ending it, he is that it has ended, for he can now take his new repetoire of moves and knowledge to a bed, likely one that doesn’t have a 500 Egyptian thread count. That enthusiasm, effort and willingness during the love affair and the easiness of ending things abruptly with no excuse needed, is something often lacking in our late twentysomething/thirysomething pool of men. But at the end of the day, though the junior versions are a good time, it’s the senior ones with their analytical and wanting-to-settle-down personalities that reign supreme.
I had fun with my younger boy. I think about him from time to time, with a smile on my face, hoping he’s doing well and is spreading his new found knowledge all over town. If he opts to go for a younger chick, she won’t know what hit her! Now, when I watch Courtney Cox’s new show ‘Cougar Town’, or hear about new older women/younger men relationships, I know I’ve had my fix and I’m happy he was the one to teach me the actual definition. But now it’s back to real life.
I invite you to take a peak at some of Hollywood’s most talked about Cougar couples both past and present: