How long does it take you to figure out if they are that couple? You know, the couple where you tell one of them something, you have them swear to you they won’t divulge this information to their significant other, and then the next time you see the significant other, they bring it up? As you let out a meek smile, with terror behind your eyes, realization hits – your friend is no longer one, but half of a two. From now on you know everything from your horror story (which you endured during your last brazilian wax session) to how far you really went after that first date (too far, but hey, thats what happens after you split a bottle of wine and follow it up with a few shots, right?) will be a story not just shared between you and your friend, in the circle of trust, but instead, this friend will be inviting her special someone into the nest, the one in which you built.
I have a policy. Even if I ask someone not to tell their partner something I’m about to share, whether its a story, a piece of gossip, an opinion or just advice I’m seeking, I now do so, expecting them to tell their partner anyways. It’s oh-so-easy for them to reassure me, but I know that when you’re in a long-term relationship, there’s a secret code. You trust your partner, you know they won’t tell other people (which they always do anyways), so you go ahead and fill them in. You may hold it in a bit, but as soon as that first silence comes up, there you are, ready to fill it, foregoing your friends wishes. Problem is, this ends up leading to you getting busted.
For a while when I noticed this ‘three’s a crowd’ of information sharing thing going on, I decided to have a ‘No Couples Clause’ where I only went to my trustworthy single friends. Single trustworthy cousins are even better than friends (no offence girls) because they are blood related. Blood relatives are like vaults – how can you screw over your own blood? Well it had been a long time coming. I was seeking advice regarding a work related issue with a guy I’m close with (whose field of work made him the ideal go-to guy), and did the whole ‘before-I-tell-you-please-assure-me-you-don’t-tell-your-wife’ thing. I was assured and I went ahead. Before the conversation closed, I reminded this person not to tell their wife, or anyone for that matter. I felt good as I hung up the phone. I felt good knowing I can get quality advice from someone whose knowledge in the field would benefit me. That was until yesterday, when I ran into his wife. Almost on cue, she said her husband had told her about my work related issue (unbeknownst to her that him and I had a secret non-sharing agreement)…I clenched my teeth, as I nodded my head knowingly. I knew the situation was too good to be true when I hung up the phone the day I broke the clause. How did I let myself slip? They had always been that couple! That’s what I get for being blonde and dropping my morals. The full ‘No Couples Clause’ is now back in full effect, because of this one person who couldn’t keep it to himself. He’s ruined it for you all you other-halves out there.
A few of my close girlfriends are close friends with this one particular couple who are the epitome of that couple. I’ve met said couple on a number of occasions, and I’m always sure to keep mum, as I’ve heard the freedom of sharing they possess. It’s as if anytime someone talks to one of the two, the other one is on-standby, just waiting to hear the news. They are one in the same. Do you have a couple like that in your life? How do you tackle it? Do you embrace them lovingly, and knowingly, as you accept that you’ve now gained an extra friend through relations, or do you catch yourself holding back from them knowing they are a duo, a partnership, a double package?
Tips for Blondes of Who are Friends With That Couple
– Speaker phone. When you call your friend, ask if their significant other is there, and if so, asked to be placed on speaker phone. You may as well hit two birds with one stone. You know your friend is going to tell their partner anyways so you may as well have your own story told in your own words.
– Hold back from Blackberry Messaging your friend. Tone can be misinterpreted and their favourite sentences can be cut and pasted to make your story more juicy when they share it with their partner. We’ve seen it done to celebs many times…they get interviewed by the media and the reporter picks and chooses the most exciting sentences to tell their story. Please ladies, don’t allow your friend to be a reporter.
– Reframe. Understand these are your friends and their significant other is solely an extension of them. Chances are they aren’t talking about you behind your back per se, its more so talking about you because you are important to them and your well being and ‘happenings’ are ones in which they care about. Reframe and realize that its nothing to take personal.
Been There, Done That
As a beautiful, blonde, bronzed, twentysomething I’m almost certain you’ve been either the giver of information that has been passed on to a friends partner, or the receiver of info from a friend, which you’ve passed on to your man. Either way, always be cautious and aware, no matter what end you are on. Know that it can get back to the other, and if so – be prepared to deal with it in a way that best suits you and your needs, and if you are sharing info about a friend with your guy, be sure to consider your friend and your loyalty to her as well.
As for me, I decided to take the high road and not bring up this issue, about my backstabbingish friend who told his wife. I have reframed and realized his intention was probably good, and realize he likely didn’t tell her for any other reason then that he cared. I could’ve confronted him or his wife, but I decided that at the end of the day, I’m the one who broke my No Couples Clause, and if it bothers me, I can not play a role in it next time, by not sharing tales with someone who has got someone else.
– Jenny Jen