Tell me how you really feel

It’s funny how it all comes out after the fact.  Like much after the fact.  Maybe a few months later when there’s really nothing to lose.  Maybe when he messages you on Facebook chat on a rainy Wednesday afternoon.  Maybe when he brings up that night.  And you tell him that you thought he was just not that into you; and he tells you he thought you just weren’t that into him.  And you tell him you were so nervous around him and admit to things you thought on the one-hit-wonder date, and things you did on said date, like asking the bartender for a shot when he went to the washroom and paying her for it in cash so it wouldn’t appear on the bill.

He might say he wants to see you again.  You might tell him the sooner the better.  And so it is here on your computer, during that exchange, that you realize that you should just be straight up.

We hide behind shots, and walls, and the stories we tell ourselves of what we think other people think, but when you actually discover – after the fact – that you’re never really accurate about said assumptions, I’d say you learned a mighty good lesson.  Speak up.  Think he’s just not that into you?  Call him on it in a casual, non-threatening way.  Confused with why things didn’t really work out, but notice he was in constant contact nevertheless after?  Just say it.  We always think we have something to lose.  We feel weak or rejected by admitting how we really feel.  But the more authentic you are, the more you can understand the reality of what is, the more you can learn, the more you can grow.  Me likes that cycle, though not an easy feat I know, no doubt.

We tend to interpret things based on the way we view the world and take these thoughts so seriously.  If only we didn’t have to wait til months later to clear the air.

- Jenny Jen

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