It’s the little things

jen kirsch, martin jensen

You are one of a kind. You have your quirks. You have characteristic traits that are you unique and exclusive to you as a being. These things that combine to make you the amazing young lady that you are –  flaws and all – are the key things that will draw in the right romantic partner for you.

I’ve spent most of my twentysomething in various long-term relationships (3 years, 3 years, 1 year, 10 months,) and none seemed to fit. I found myself turned off by my past partners flaws, scars and baggage and they to mine as well. There was always some sort of disconnect, and as I my thirtieth birthday, it’s clear to see that those relationships weren’t healthy. They were experience building, no doubt, but they wouldn’t have lasted.

So, what does a relationship expert think it takes to make a relationship last? Why the little things, of course. And big thanks to my man, for teaching me just that. Because not a day goes by where he doesn’t show me just how in love with me he is. And a relationship like this has no secret recipe. There are the basics: a mutual respect, a balance and a strong sense of authenticity. But above that it comes down to being attentive to your partners needs and wants and attending to those said needs and wants without being prompted.

Ask yourself: What puts a smile on my partners face? At the end of the day, we want our other half to be happy and our own happiness grows seeing them happy, right? So predict their wants. Does he love a certain type of beer that’s hard to find? Why not surprise him with a six pack in your fridge when you know he’s had a long day at work? Does he always put on his shirt inside out? Compliment that you love him for that. Do you work in the service industry? If he visits you, why not send him over his fave drink right away and make sure it’s constantly refilled?

Tune into the things your partner says. The foods, snacks and drinks they eat and crave. The songs that make them feel ‘happy,’ and induce their ‘game face.’ Take the time to seep in all of the little things that your partner values and cares about and then surprise him and reference those things often.

Not a day goes by since I met my man, that I haven’t told him how so very lucky and grateful I am to have him in my life. I never needed him and was never looking for someone, but he has been the best compliment to my life and much of that falls back on us having a balanced, mutually loving and respectful relationship where each day is another celebration to help one another smile.

The little things go a long way because these reassurances and needs he seeks are often hidden to everyone but you. By tending to them, you’re showing him that you listen, you remember, and you care.

- Jenny Jen

Photo: Jen Kirsch and Martin Jensen. El Doraldo Castitas Resort. Property of blondebronzedtwentysomething.

The Grass Is Greenest When…


The grass is always greener, so the story goes. Except however, when it’s not.

To be at a place where nothing holds you back or brings you down. To be at a place where you can make decisions for yourself by yourself. To be at a place where you can leave your phone unattended and on silent if you will, with no need to check it or check in, to wait or to need. To be at a place where you catch yourself smiling because of something you yourself accomplished, not a smile that came from anothers actions. To be.

When we’re dealing with issues in relationships, we sometimes wonder what it would be like to be single yet again, longing for the days when disappointment and misunderstandings had no effect on us. When single and possibly feeling lonely, we often long to be in a relationship and to find “the one.” They say people want what they don’t have and the grass is greener effect is indication of just that.

But it is when we are in a good, healthy place, when we attract both a mate and a relationship that will serve us well. What better time of year to put your best foot forward than the holiday season, as we approach a new year? So as you nod your head in agreement as your blonde lockes shake over your shoulder, I want you to use that mentality to shake everything else off your shoulders as well. This my little ladies is the very first step to becoming the best you you can be.

Let go of whatever it is you’re holding onto. A past partner, heartbreak, confusion, misunderstandings, tension with friends or family, disappointment. Let it all go. Acceptance and forgiveness are the greatest gifts you can give yourself. We can’t change our past but we can take control of our present. Do what excites and inspires you. Breath in your passion. Don’t say yes when you mean no. Don’t defend, nor justify. You avoid drama by keeping true to your word, not making assumptions, doing your best and not taking things personally, as expressed in The Four Agreements. So do just that. You will notice that when you are your best self, that you will attract a like minded mate when you least expect it.

The grass is greenest when you yourself are fully, completely, purely satisfied with your own life and have no need for anything or anyone else. They instead become but a bonus, yet someone else who you can share your triumphs and positive energy with. When there might be some challenges, some bad, some amazing and some over-the-top things that happen, but you’re able to maintain a stability throughout them all, as you navigate through what comes in a level-headed fashion. Therefore it seems that it isn’t so much as how green the grass actually is, but your ability to water the grass no matter what. I always thought that it was really rather serendipitous that all of my serious relationships started on Christmas. How the stars must have aligned for me to be found by others on this specific date, and end up experiencing such powerful, loving relationships. I now know that it is a little more than just fate, as I once thought or just a lucky day. Instead it is my state of mind at this time of year; the reflection and in turn acknowledgement of my years’ accomplishments, and ok fine…a little thing I call luck (though it may just be my holiday glow!)

- Jenny Jen

Photo Credit: Source

Bedtime Boyfriend Rituals


Falling asleep in our mans arms; a favourite past time for most. With his arm around you before you trail off into a dream world, you already feel a part of one. When a guy wraps his arms around us, we often feel comforted, attended to, cared for, connected. We are oblivious to the fact that circulation in his arms may be long gone, and that it takes him much longer to fall asleep in attempts to accommodate how we’re curled up and not how he wants to be curled up. But the boy likes the whole cuddling thing for all the same reasons as us, so he does it despite it’s downfalls. That is until one day (perhaps after the few first months of the excitement that is sharing a bed) wears off, he wants to sleep sans you in his arms. So, when he falls asleep his arms to himself, here’s what you need to know (and remind yourself of) before you take it personally and ship his cute butt off to the unnecessary couch:

1) One Step Ahead: He has likely been thinking about not holding you to sleep for a while now. Often, before we take action, we ruminate and contemplate. He has likely played out this situation in his head, and is acting accordingly at a time when he feels comfortable enough to pull away; when he thinks you’re comfortable enough with him pulling away. Though it may come to a shock to you, he has mentally prepared himself for a cuddle-free sleep.

2) Big Balls: The courage it takes to do this – with the knowingness that a) you may be offended, b) you may take it personally and c) you may start a ‘Why don’t you care about me?’ fight bringing up all past minor moments of ways (you percieved) he didn’t show you that he cared – is quite large. Give the guy some credit. You are still sharing a bed, he’s still foregoing his likely learned ‘on a diagnal’ sleep patterns and you can still nuzzle up to each other before sleep falls upon you. Be happy you have a man who is assertive, and not one who is passive-aggressive, holding up resentment and blaming you in his mind for his few-and-far-betweens’ of good sleeps.

3) It’s Not You, It’s Me: We are often thrown off by change of any sorts. And just because he didn’t hold you to sleep last night, doesn’t mean he’s never going to let you fall asleep in his arms again. To function properly we all need a good nights sleep and if he isn’t comfortable for any reason, grant him the freedom to sleep how he see’s fit knowing you wouldn’t want to be made to feel bad if you wanted to get comfy.

- Jenny Jen

Photo Credit: Source.