It’s the little things

jen kirsch, martin jensen

You are one of a kind. You have your quirks. You have characteristic traits that are you unique and exclusive to you as a being. These things that combine to make you the amazing young lady that you are –  flaws and all – are the key things that will draw in the right romantic partner for you.

I’ve spent most of my twentysomething in various long-term relationships (3 years, 3 years, 1 year, 10 months,) and none seemed to fit. I found myself turned off by my past partners flaws, scars and baggage and they to mine as well. There was always some sort of disconnect, and as I my thirtieth birthday, it’s clear to see that those relationships weren’t healthy. They were experience building, no doubt, but they wouldn’t have lasted.

So, what does a relationship expert think it takes to make a relationship last? Why the little things, of course. And big thanks to my man, for teaching me just that. Because not a day goes by where he doesn’t show me just how in love with me he is. And a relationship like this has no secret recipe. There are the basics: a mutual respect, a balance and a strong sense of authenticity. But above that it comes down to being attentive to your partners needs and wants and attending to those said needs and wants without being prompted.

Ask yourself: What puts a smile on my partners face? At the end of the day, we want our other half to be happy and our own happiness grows seeing them happy, right? So predict their wants. Does he love a certain type of beer that’s hard to find? Why not surprise him with a six pack in your fridge when you know he’s had a long day at work? Does he always put on his shirt inside out? Compliment that you love him for that. Do you work in the service industry? If he visits you, why not send him over his fave drink right away and make sure it’s constantly refilled?

Tune into the things your partner says. The foods, snacks and drinks they eat and crave. The songs that make them feel ‘happy,’ and induce their ‘game face.’ Take the time to seep in all of the little things that your partner values and cares about and then surprise him and reference those things often.

Not a day goes by since I met my man, that I haven’t told him how so very lucky and grateful I am to have him in my life. I never needed him and was never looking for someone, but he has been the best compliment to my life and much of that falls back on us having a balanced, mutually loving and respectful relationship where each day is another celebration to help one another smile.

The little things go a long way because these reassurances and needs he seeks are often hidden to everyone but you. By tending to them, you’re showing him that you listen, you remember, and you care.

- Jenny Jen

Photo: Jen Kirsch and Martin Jensen. El Doraldo Castitas Resort. Property of blondebronzedtwentysomething.

Like A Puzzle


Are we ever know it alls or what? We are always one step ahead as we never want to be one step behind. We try to interpret events that happen to us both as they occur and after the fact, looking for clues to try to put the pieces together. To try to make sense of the situations we find ourselves in. Because let’s face it, as right as we feel things are, they are often too good to be true. Now I’m not going to be a pessimistic princess here, but there is something to be said for instincts and having a hunch. In hindsight, we are rewarded the opportunity to look back on things clearly, seeing signs that should’ve shouted out at us that things were ‘off’.

Thinking back on events past is something many of us do in hopes of breeding clarity. We play detective (a hot, sexy detective in all black, of course) and as we put a magnifying glass up to those things that threw us off that we didn’t want to look at, it’s often easy to see how clear things really are. As we play playwright, we can write a full fledged script on the who, what, where, why, when and how’s of whatever the subject matter is. And by doing so, a story is created, often times coming quite close to how the events actually played out, though we won’t ever know so with certainty.

For those girls who have had guys back off from them out of nowhere, which then leads to a demise of the relationship causing them to, no doubt, investigate and put the pieces together to make sense of it all, the truth is always right in front of their very eyes. When you know someone and their habits well enough, and have social media (offering timelines) at your disposal, actions (and lack thereof) make for some hardcore knowingness, despite the guarantee. Though one can never be sure of actualities, never under estimate the power of the human mind, perception and your initial instincts. Though they may not provide the closure you feel you deserve, they come a close second. Sounds like your hard work can still pay off there, Sherlock.

- Jenny Jen Holmes

Photo Credit: Source.

Vices


Try as we might, we are not perfect. Each of us have unique qualities that form together to create the wonderful, whimsical character that we are. Some qualities are admired, perhaps even envied and others are not as flattering. The beauty about relationships that work, is accepting the not so hot qualities for what they are, and not letting these flaws filter how you perceive your mate.

Where we go wrong, is letting one negative aspect about someone hold our thoughts hostage, creating a downward spiral effect as we look at the bad, and blame our partner for it. Part of growing and developing is all the baggage that has helped shape who we are: the good, the bad, the ugly. Sometimes, in the name of love, it’s important to let go of the expectation of a ‘perfect’ mate, anticipate and save face for when some of the bad comes out and practice patience as you show them that you can be their rock, and won’t run from their little learned behaviours. As you continue to grow as a couple, new patterns will be learned and you will be able to embrace and support each other, vices et al.

So how do you deal when your partner pulls out a trait that leads to your frustration, yet again? Change your thought process and don’t take it personally. Bring it to their attention after-the-fact to help them build awareness, and most importantly let it go. You are with the one you’re with despite downfalls. By letting it go and not letting them be a victim to their vices, you are in turn showing just how much of a partner and team you are.

- Jenny Jen

Photo Credit: Source.