We’ve all been there. We’re sitting at home, glass of chilled wine in our manicured, dainty hands, distracting ourselves on Instagram, Twitter and the like, only to see those we considered our good friends, out together, without us in tow. You may hit one up, in the heat of the rejected moment, asking why you weren’t included, or hinting at an invite. You might just close your feeds altogether, with the out-of-site, out-of-mind thought process. You may generously pour more vino into your already filled cup, and get lost in your negative thoughts as to why you weren’t included.
We have an amazing way of putting ourselves down and something as simple as a group hashtag or seeing pics of those we were once close with, out and about without us could make us feel lonely, down, rejected, frustrated and more. And so, since this is ever-so-common and not all that avoidable (because lets face it, you’re not going to delete your networks, nor are you going to live under a rock) I thought I’d give you some food for thought so you can see the situation for what it is.
The meaning of the word friends has drastically changed as we meet more and more people through our social networks, mingling at events and see them out and about. We’re best friends with the guy we see once a week on Thursday nights at a get-together with cocktails aplenty, and apps alike. We are friends with that person that follows us on Twitter who we decided was seemingly-cool-enough to actually follow back, make plans with and spend some time together with. We are friends with that girl that we secretly hate, whose toned-bronzed-back we talk behind though we give her the double-cheek kiss and exclaim her name enthuasistically whenever we see her out and about. And we’re friends with those people who have been in our lives for a while. Who we go to when we’re down. Who we confide in. Who we share the inner workings of our ever so imaginative (and suspicious) psyches. The one who – even if we haven’t seen them in months, or even if we miss their birthdays – still feels like a solid rock in our lives. These, my friends, are our friends. Not the former, as listed above.
Friends, besties, bff’s, frenemies are words we throw around, nonchalantly that tend to do more damage than good. I joke around that you’re not close friends with someone if they don’t invite you to their birthday. Though friendships and how we meet people has changed over the years, it’s still key to value those that you call friends. How does a friend differ than an acquaintance? You speak on the phone. You make one on one plans. They are in the know when something monumental happens in your life (and they don’t find out via social networks.) They’ve helped you through navigate tough times and good times alike. They stay in contact whether you’ve been at the last string of soirees friends hosted, or not. They support you and they know of those closest to you. Friendship, like a romantic relationship, is more than a title. It comes with meaning, importance, growth and love. They are not fleeting. They don’t just cut you out without explanation. They respect you and are honest.
Before you get offended about being excluded, uninvited, and the like, check in with yourself to see who your friends actually are and take note of that before you naively reach out an olive branch.
- Jenny Jen