We push. We nag. We put pressure on. And the poor guys in our lives don’t even know what to do and how to cope, because – like us though they might – no one likes to be told what to do, especially if they were already going to do it before you even asked.
I’ve always found it intriguing that the more we push, the more we push away, and yet – the less we ask for, the more we get. If you take but a moment to let this sink in, it can drastically benefit your current situation.
When we ask our guy who has been busy as of late to take us out for a much-needed date night, and he agrees to do just that, that night all of a sudden has much pressure around it. We put him in a place where he’s perhaps worried about disappointing. He expects that – no matter what he does – it won’t live up to your expectations. When the evening arrives, it becomes difficult for him to even enjoy himself, for it isn’t coming from within.
I’ve written in the past that we need to be more flexible about rolling with the punches and being open for things not to turn out just as we expect. I’m not saying that our men should get a ‘get of jail free’ card, but I am saying that we need to be aware of how the pressure we put on ‘em takes away from the natural, ‘let’s have a date night,’ concept and so they shouldn’t have to sleep on the couch if they fail us either.
So how does a high-maintenance twentysomething take the pressure off the guy she wishes would just ‘know’ what to do; who just wants to be swept off her feet for once and for all? Give some direction. Dropping hints left right and center only goes so far. Want to indulge in a drink or two before you head out? Ask your gent to pick up a bottle of vino on his way home from work. And no, don’t give him a hard time if it’s not your fave, ‘house’ wine but instead show him appreciation for taking the time to grab it and enjoy the flavour of something new. And if he’s not feeling 100% on your pre-scheduled date night? Instead of taking it personally, pack your dame-in-distress a care package, show him your understanding and perhaps suggest ordering in or cooking him dinner instead. Should he want to cook for you instead of treating you for a dinner out? Bask in the romanticism of it all instead of focusing on being let down.
Men just want to be appreciated. When you let go of your demands and acknowledge their efforts, you’ll find a much more in sync relationship; one where he isn’t so scared of letting you down he doesn’t even bother trying because he knows too much is never enough.
On this Thanksgiving long weekend, be grateful for what you have.
- Jenny Jen
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