Your partner should be your friend first and foremost. You should be able to confide in them, trust them, be able to give and get support, loyalty and love from them, all without judgment; all with your best interest in their heart.
Your partner should innately want to do little things for you to put a smile on your face, to take care of you, without you even having to ask. But where us little ladies go wrong is thinking we’re too high maintenance in the first place to want those things; that our expectations are too high to think we even deserve that. And how sad and misleading your own thoughts are, because we often get that treatment from friends – so no, it’s not wrong to want that in your partner. And don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
Be aware when your friends treat you better than your partner. When you can call upon one of them – and choose to do so – before you reach out to him. Be aware when he puts your feelings and thoughts and work down, when he takes a stab at you, things that a friend would never dare do. This isn’t healthy. This is a lack of respect. This is contempt. This is signs of more of an enemy type, despite the fact that you may convince yourself otherwise.
Over the years I’ve been awestruck by such amazing, caring, attentive friends. I can name them and list off all the things they’ve done, but that not isn’t the point as much as you noting that those who care will be there for you in all ways. And I’ve done the same in my relationships. Left a fresh glass of water on a guys night table and fresh food made in the fridge with a love note to heat up after a drunken boys night out. I’ve prepared meals for friends who have just had a baby and don’t have the time to put together a healthy meal, or for a partner who – after just coming back from a week-long trip – had no food in his fridge, let alone any energy to cook after a long flight.
There are ways to show little acts of kindness without expecting anything in return. To be hospitable. To be a presence when someone is lonely. To have a bed made for a friend to crash on if need be. To do these things is to fulfill yourself, as giving has the power to do that. The bottom line is, if you can play a montage of all your friends who have been just that, friends, and your partner (or person you’re “dealing with”) can’t even be just that, it’s high time you check in with yourself to see what – if anything – they bring to the table.
When chemistry goes and you’re confronted by life’s challenges, do you want the convenient guy who provides you comfort? Or would you prefer the genuine one who has the ability to innately care for another; to go above and beyond just because they are a loyal, considerate being? You can only make up excuses for another for so long. But if someone isn’t considerate of your needs and wants and feelings, than it’s time you stop playing full and stop taking care of theirs.
- Jenny Jen
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