As little girls we fantasize about our wedding day. The dress, the wedding party, the romance, the idea of love and that guy whose last name we get to take as our own. As twentysomethings we notice yet another updated relationship status at a time on our Facebook newsfeeds, perhaps a montage of images of ladies donned in big white dresses, and we feel a moment of happiness that another has found love.
But for those of us women who are career driven, who perhaps have been burned in the past or have spent the past ten years or so in various, serious relationships, perhaps we are finally ok with where we stand. Ok with being single, or dating around; ok with seeing the same guy for a handful of months in an open-relationship kind of way. Ok with being in a non-serious relationship until something ‘better’ or willing to make us commit, comes around because we value our time and our emotions so much so that we don’t want to give them away without reason.
For some reason, however, this nonchalance is obscene to men, the same men who think that you’re sticking around because you love them so much you want to change them to make them become your boyfriend and soon-enough, your spouse.
Never am I as amused as I am when a guy admits that he backed off because he thinks the girl he was hooking up with wanted a relationship. Backed off can include: not texting her back, not being available on her terms, seeing her only behind closed doors instead of including her in his plans, acting awkward and aloof, etc. How unfortunate for us to have to deal with a guy who has come to his own conclusions when – not only do we not want a relationship, but we also don’t necessarily want to marry him, nor do we want hin to bare our babies. Sorry to be the barer of bad news, guys who are reading.
Some men have these ideas and story lines so set in their heads, that even if we honestly tell them that we’re just not that into them and we’re even dating other people, they will still think otherwise. Self-protection much? Welcome to the world of narcissism; where others tell themselves what they want to hear to feel more in control of a situation, to feel a sense of power, of flattery of an ego boost.
Next time a guy tells you that he doesn’t want to go on a date with you or meet you for drinks because he thinks it will “Send you the wrong message,” yet still agrees to sleep with you, texts you, calls you and see’s you when it’s convenient for him, I say that’s prime time you send him a message. I think you know the kind I’m talking of. Though beware, a guy who is so sure of himself, who tells you ‘You’re wrong, I know you well enough, you don’t even know you want to be with me, but I know you do,” will likely interpret in his own self-fulfilling away. Sooner or later baby girl, he’ll get it.
- Jenny Jen
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