Stubborn or wanting to be in control though we might be, it’s important before things go wrong, to stop them from even happening. Like that second that you start to feel annoyed because the guy you’re dating has misread a text and you feel like you’re going to spend the next x amount of time back and forth texting, a buzz kill since you were hoping to see him tonight. Or when he tells you he knows what you’re thinking when, in fact, that’s not what you’re thinking, and you want to defend yourself because how dare he make assumptions that are so inaccurate. Basically, whenever you find yourself getting heated, about that time that you’re about to point fingers and blame him for interpreting your words, just stop. Just stop and wave the white flag of surrender and just let him win.
Why? Because, well, why not? Will this one heated discussion have any effect on your life next year? In five years? 10? Is it worth letting yourself get stressed? Heated? Defensive? Feeling less than? Doubtful. Is it worth making someone you care about feel any of that either, or worse, mad, insecure, disappointed…dare I go on?
We are so set in trying to make ourselves look like the good guy. You know what, you probably are, but so what. The way the mind works is that we see things from our perspective; our learned way of interpreting the world. Whether our thoughts are right or wrong, doesn’t matter. Placing blame on another never helps solve a situation. In fact, it often causes more issues then anything.
People are simple: we don’t like to feel rejected or not good enough. Many of us act out on fear, without even knowing in. Sure, give your dude some reassurance if that’s what he needs, but don’t get caught in back and forth banter and he says/she says.
When I catch myself getting a wee bit frustrated and wanting to send back an in-the-moment reactive text, I stop myself. Whenever I have a disconnect with a certain special someone in my life, I play these Beatles lyrics in my head: “Life is very short and there’s no time for fussing and fighting, my friend.” Then I often smile at these words, this higher power, this sense of knowingness that – though it’s often easy to push someones buttons that we are close with – why and how could I ever want to?
Do we really need to be right all the time? Meh. I don’t feel like I do. I’d rather humble my partner and drop it all together, let him win and let go, for him to be happy. For me to be happy. For the little things such as arguments over tone or text that have no impact on our actual relationship or growth.
And you know what happens when you don’t buy into an argument? You opponent has no one to “fight” against and then they too draw the white flag.
Same goes when you want to find a happy median. A truce. An agreement. Just let go. Just let them when. Just surrender.
- Jenny Jen
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