“What does this mean?” you ask a friend that knows him and is friendly with him too, to try to understand the secret meaning behind his words; his actions. And you and your friend sit there and try to decode the he say’s/she say’s banter between the two of you. Allow me to save you some time.
If you know a guy pretty well already, chances are you can easily tell whether he is putting up a guard or not. And if you think that he is, approach it. Approach it in a non-threatening way and let him know you’re into others who take an authentic approach. Who says what they really mean and not what they think they should say to look cool/be tough/play games/play the master card. The problem with people who try to have the upper hand, is it throws off the balance of power; if the balance of power is thrown off from the get-go, the relationship (or lack thereof) will be at a stand still.
Often times we put up a wall because of past hurt. Because we are trying to attempt to have some control over our lives. Some of us do it subconsciously, others do it intentionally. But when walls go up, it is usually to protect our vulnerabilities from being both sought and caught.
If you’re dealing with someone they have a right to have all of you during your time together. Don’t run. Don’t hide. No one is deservant of getting your scraps and you’re bigger than giving them out. When you realize dating isn’t about control or feeling in charge or feeling like it’s you who is running the show; if you can meet your other half halfway and let go of power plays and stubbornness, without making them pay for it, then you my little friend have what it takes to have an adult relationship.
If you don’t take a leap and put your genuine and truthful thoughts and feelings on the line, you will lose more than just the person you’ve been dating, but you will lose – in the mix of it all – a sense of self.
- Jenny Jen
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