Have you ever told you partner to ‘be good’ or ‘behave’ when you knew he’d be embarking on his night out without you? If so, what were your intentions, how do you think he interpreted that comment, and did you feel better having said that?
Us confident, cool and collected twentysomethings claim that we want our men to have fun nights out, yet we don’t have them fooled when we tell them to be good. Because whether or not they plan on being good anyways has nothing to do with that gentle reminder. Your comment instead comes off a wee bit possessive. Be good? Sounds like something a parent would say to a child and I’m pretty certain you don’t want that dynamic going on now, do you?
I’ve had guys I’ve dated who have told me to ‘be good’ or the best is ‘don’t do something I wouldn’t do’. And yes, I admit it’s a bit endearing. It shows me that their feelings are invested in me and that they are a bit scared of being hurt. I’m always interested in the way it is said, the tone used as he utters ‘Don’t pull a x’ (fill in x to whatever it is he says). But though endearing, comments on the keep-it-in-your-pants forefront are also offensive. If we can so easily determine how he comes off when he tells us to be good, imagine how you come off when you say it to him.
Listen ladies, if you need to remind your man that he needs to keep his pants on, tongue in mouth while not in your presence, I think we may have some trust issues to tackle. And that’s perfectly ok. Especially if you’re dating a guy as attractive as your fine self. I think a common trait all us women have when dating a guy is that we are convinced that everyone in the world wants him. He has become our rock, our sun, our air that the idea of him being out in the world without our nagging selves by his side has us fearful at times that he’ll stray. But that’s not the case. Angelina won’t leave Brad for him and girls aren’t throwing themselves at him like you’ve imagined.
I get it, I really do. As said above, when feelings are involved it’s only natural to be guarded, to have doubts and to try to do whatever you can to avoid the doubts from becoming a reality. But don’t show it. If he has a rep for cheating, has done it before, and you decided to take him back, that was your decision and if you’re going to taunt yourself and him every time he leaves his room, then a healthy relationship that does not make.
If you’re separated right now over the holidays and you feel the need to tell him to behave, or if you feel something in your gut when he tells you he’s going out, instead of putting your insecurities on him, take some time to investigate what the core issues are that are concerning you. Chances are it says more about you then him. When you become aware of what causes your actions, you can change them. And after all, the whole Johnny-Be-Good thing is a passive way to avoid the real issue at heart.
- Jenny Jen
Photo Credit: BANEFUL & BEAUTIFUL