Fuck your to-do lists forevs and evs and evs

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I have 16 stickies open on my computer. The bright, sunshiny colour has taken over my screen creating a chaos to what was meant to be order. At the bottom of my once-chic Macbook Pro are five open Word Documents, two Excel Spreadsheets (for invoicing), 10 emails, one PDF file and as if this isn’t a columnists conundrum enough for me, I have a notebook on my coffee table that is almost full, with endless lists of stories to pitch, partnerships to solidify, brainstorms for my upcoming book and daily musings. I am a writer. I write everything down, for every thought is fleeting and I need these lists and reminders to get shit done. My iCal should be enough. Fuck, my hot-little all-new Kate Spade 2014/2015 daily agenda should be enough – it fits in my Louis and is just perfection. And yet, I have info everywhere I look. Info reminding me of to do’s yet done. I sit here in a midst of these post-its and signs and scribbles and feel anything but organized. As if my life isn’t about what’s on the lists but instead about composing lists on their own.

And so, in this moment as I realize what needs to be done, I sit here wondering why it’s taking me so long. Because lets face it: You’ll never get shit done if you’re always one step (or 16+5+2+10+1) ahead.

Order. We need it to survive. Planning is all well and good but goals don’t get accomplished if we just look at what we’re seeking in the end. Goals are made of steps and in order to take said steps we need to take them one by one. And so, today is the day that I delete my post-its, close my open documents and replace my notebook and start fresh. Today is the day I work one project at a time and not trying to take on the world in but a day.

Sometimes it takes a realization like this to get the ball to actually start rolling. To start afresh. To throw out plans and ideas and concepts and centre when you feel anything but that. We want, we need, we aim for and we are disappointed when those wants/needs/aims get lost in the madness that is wanting, needing and aiming for too much.

Instead of making a note or setting a reminder, challenge yourself to do. To not ‘tomorrow’ whatever the project is, big or small. How fulfilling and at ease our lives would be if we’d just be and forego the planning and planning and planning and, yes, planning of what needs to be done and get done after each project that we have yet to do.

Success comes from structure. Surround yourself in it and soak up the sweet sensation of your blood, sweat and tears day in and day out. Delete, and instead do.

- Jenny Jen

The truth about your newfound bestie

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We’ve all been there. We’re sitting at home, glass of chilled wine in our manicured, dainty hands, distracting ourselves on Instagram, Twitter and the like, only to see those we considered our good friends, out together, without us in tow. You may hit one up, in the heat of the rejected moment, asking why you weren’t included, or hinting at an invite. You might just close your feeds altogether, with the out-of-site, out-of-mind thought process. You may generously pour more vino into your already filled cup, and get lost in your negative thoughts as to why you weren’t included.

We have an amazing way of putting ourselves down and something as simple as a group hashtag or seeing pics of those we were once close with, out and about without us could make us feel lonely, down, rejected, frustrated and more. And so, since this is ever-so-common and not all that avoidable (because lets face it, you’re not going to delete your networks, nor are you going to live under a rock) I thought I’d give you some food for thought so you can see the situation for what it is.

The meaning of the word friends has drastically changed as we meet more and more people through our social networks, mingling at events and see them out and about. We’re best friends with the guy we see once a week on Thursday nights at a get-together with cocktails aplenty, and apps alike. We are friends with that person that follows us on Twitter who we decided was seemingly-cool-enough to actually follow back, make plans with and spend some time together with. We are friends with that girl that we secretly hate, whose toned-bronzed-back we talk behind though we give her the double-cheek kiss and exclaim her name enthuasistically whenever we see her out and about. And we’re friends with those people who have been in our lives for a while. Who we go to when we’re down. Who we confide in. Who we share the inner workings of our ever so imaginative (and suspicious) psyches. The one who – even if we haven’t seen them in months, or even if we miss their birthdays – still feels like a solid rock in our lives. These, my friends, are our friends. Not the former, as listed above.

Friends, besties, bff’s, frenemies are words we throw around, nonchalantly that tend to do more damage than good. I joke around that you’re not close friends with someone if they don’t invite you to their birthday. Though friendships and how we meet people has changed over the years, it’s still key to value those that you call friends. How does a friend differ than an acquaintance? You speak on the phone. You make one on one plans. They are in the know when something monumental happens in your life (and they don’t find out via social networks.) They’ve helped you through navigate tough times and good times alike. They stay in contact whether you’ve been at the last string of soirees friends hosted, or not. They support you and they know of those closest to you. Friendship, like a romantic relationship, is more than a title. It comes with meaning, importance, growth and love. They are not fleeting. They don’t just cut you out without explanation. They respect you and are honest.

Before you get offended about being excluded, uninvited, and the like, check in with yourself to see who your friends actually are and take note of that before you naively reach out an olive branch.

- Jenny Jen

How to meet, and then land, the guy you’re crushing on

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For those of you who have followed my blog religiously over the past four or so years, you might be wondering where the eff I’ve been and why I’ve been seemingly-slacking on salacious posts. Simply, I’ve been – around, just not on here – trying out this ‘writing for a living’ thing (thanks, Carrie Bradshaw for that idea.) My writing has been covered in some of my most fave publications and has developed into covering – not just romantic relationships, but – all things relationship oriented. From toxic friendships, to weddings, marriage and divorce, to work-relationships and the ones we have with our families. I tend to Tweet out all my published work and share links to online posts where my relationship advice has been quoted, featured or written by me. To stay in the loop on all things dating and relationships (and the shenanigans that are my thirtysomethings,) be sure to follow me on Twitter @jen_kirsch.

Now if you’re reading this due what the title of this post offers you, have no fear. Here’s what you’ve come for: I’ve been working on quite the playful (and to-the-point) series for View the Vibe, called #KirschsKrushes. Each week I give tips on how to meet, win over and – in turn – date a certain “type.” Whether you want to land the CEO of a company, a dude with a daughter, or even a self-described hipster, I offer you easy-to-follow tips on how to do just that. The pieces are short, sweet and are rumored to be quite successful for the ladies who lust over them and take my tips to use to their advantage.

Here is a look at all the types I’ve covered, to date. See the ‘type’ you’re after on the list? Click the link and start doing something about it, girl.

How to swoon…

Be sure to hit up View the Vibe every Tuesday, for hot, new #KirschsKrushes pieces. If your ‘type’ ain’t on the list above, don’t stress. He just might be coming up next week. Don’t want to wait? Write me in the comments below and let me know what ‘type’ you want me to feature next.

Happy hunting,

Jenny Jen

Photo: Martin Jensen and Jen Kirsch.