The truth about your newfound bestie

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We’ve all been there. We’re sitting at home, glass of chilled wine in our manicured, dainty hands, distracting ourselves on Instagram, Twitter and the like, only to see those we considered our good friends, out together, without us in tow. You may hit one up, in the heat of the rejected moment, asking why you weren’t included, or hinting at an invite. You might just close your feeds altogether, with the out-of-site, out-of-mind thought process. You may generously pour more vino into your already filled cup, and get lost in your negative thoughts as to why you weren’t included.

We have an amazing way of putting ourselves down and something as simple as a group hashtag or seeing pics of those we were once close with, out and about without us could make us feel lonely, down, rejected, frustrated and more. And so, since this is ever-so-common and not all that avoidable (because lets face it, you’re not going to delete your networks, nor are you going to live under a rock) I thought I’d give you some food for thought so you can see the situation for what it is.

The meaning of the word friends has drastically changed as we meet more and more people through our social networks, mingling at events and see them out and about. We’re best friends with the guy we see once a week on Thursday nights at a get-together with cocktails aplenty, and apps alike. We are friends with that person that follows us on Twitter who we decided was seemingly-cool-enough to actually follow back, make plans with and spend some time together with. We are friends with that girl that we secretly hate, whose toned-bronzed-back we talk behind though we give her the double-cheek kiss and exclaim her name enthuasistically whenever we see her out and about. And we’re friends with those people who have been in our lives for a while. Who we go to when we’re down. Who we confide in. Who we share the inner workings of our ever so imaginative (and suspicious) psyches. The one who – even if we haven’t seen them in months, or even if we miss their birthdays – still feels like a solid rock in our lives. These, my friends, are our friends. Not the former, as listed above.

Friends, besties, bff’s, frenemies are words we throw around, nonchalantly that tend to do more damage than good. I joke around that you’re not close friends with someone if they don’t invite you to their birthday. Though friendships and how we meet people has changed over the years, it’s still key to value those that you call friends. How does a friend differ than an acquaintance? You speak on the phone. You make one on one plans. They are in the know when something monumental happens in your life (and they don’t find out via social networks.) They’ve helped you through navigate tough times and good times alike. They stay in contact whether you’ve been at the last string of soirees friends hosted, or not. They support you and they know of those closest to you. Friendship, like a romantic relationship, is more than a title. It comes with meaning, importance, growth and love. They are not fleeting. They don’t just cut you out without explanation. They respect you and are honest.

Before you get offended about being excluded, uninvited, and the like, check in with yourself to see who your friends actually are and take note of that before you naively reach out an olive branch.

- Jenny Jen

How to meet, and then land, the guy you’re crushing on

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For those of you who have followed my blog religiously over the past four or so years, you might be wondering where the eff I’ve been and why I’ve been seemingly-slacking on salacious posts. Simply, I’ve been – around, just not on here – trying out this ‘writing for a living’ thing (thanks, Carrie Bradshaw for that idea.) My writing has been covered in some of my most fave publications and has developed into covering – not just romantic relationships, but – all things relationship oriented. From toxic friendships, to weddings, marriage and divorce, to work-relationships and the ones we have with our families. I tend to Tweet out all my published work and share links to online posts where my relationship advice has been quoted, featured or written by me. To stay in the loop on all things dating and relationships (and the shenanigans that are my thirtysomethings,) be sure to follow me on Twitter @jen_kirsch.

Now if you’re reading this due what the title of this post offers you, have no fear. Here’s what you’ve come for: I’ve been working on quite the playful (and to-the-point) series for View the Vibe, called #KirschsKrushes. Each week I give tips on how to meet, win over and – in turn – date a certain “type.” Whether you want to land the CEO of a company, a dude with a daughter, or even a self-described hipster, I offer you easy-to-follow tips on how to do just that. The pieces are short, sweet and are rumored to be quite successful for the ladies who lust over them and take my tips to use to their advantage.

Here is a look at all the types I’ve covered, to date. See the ‘type’ you’re after on the list? Click the link and start doing something about it, girl.

How to swoon…

Be sure to hit up View the Vibe every Tuesday, for hot, new #KirschsKrushes pieces. If your ‘type’ ain’t on the list above, don’t stress. He just might be coming up next week. Don’t want to wait? Write me in the comments below and let me know what ‘type’ you want me to feature next.

Happy hunting,

Jenny Jen

Photo: Martin Jensen and Jen Kirsch.

Blonde, bronzed, thirtysomething?

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Jen Kirsch and model Martin Jensen aboard The River Gambler

When your brand is all about being a twentysomething, a lot of reflection comes when you turn the somewhat more mature age of 30, which I did a few weeks back on June 19th (will be writing a post this week on how I rang in my thirties, stay tuned!) Mostly, I’m in awe of the then (twentysomethings) to the now (thirtysomethings.) I vividly recall the moment I decided to start this blog turned website. It was in late October, and I took a course on mindfulness. One of the questions was where I saw myself in the future, what I wanted for myself, and how I can use my resources to make that happen. After brainstorming a bunch of names for my site, I came up with blonde, bronzed, twentysomething. It was so apropos. I was mid twenties, living a life full of lust, luxury and was attending some of the cities hottest parties, all which came alongside titillating tales come end of eve. I was single, mingling and loved reporting to you all about all the modern-day shit (for better and for worse) that all of us twentysomethings go through.

While I wistfully wrote these posts, in a general tone referred to by Shinan Govani in The National Post as ‘Carrie Bradshaw meets Jerry Seinfeld,’ I sucked you in by saying what we are all thinking but no one is talking about. So thank you, my loyal readers for reading my stories that comprise my day-to-day life. Your comments, thoughts and words have meant so much to me along the way and I wouldn’t be where I am without each and every one of you.

After blogging on BBTS for about half a year, I heard directly from the then-published of ELLE Magazine in New York who offered me a column. That was about 3 years ago and since then I scored a TV show on Cosmo TV and became the go-to voice on all things dating and relationships across the nation, making frequent appearances on Canada’s top morning TV and Radio shows. My work has been published in over 30 various top-tiered publications, allowing me to advise and share my tried and tested tips to the masses.

Now at 30, I’ve developed and grown, as one does when going through the experiences life gifts us. I am now in a happy, healthy relationship with a man I love in a way I never knew one could love before. We have a beautiful penthouse condo right downtown Toronto overlooked the lake from our balcony. We have a handsome mastiff dog, aptly named Titus. I just got my first book deal and will be spending my summer writing a book on all things dating and relationships and I can’t wait to share it with you once it’s published early next year.

One thing I learned from my experiences and success, is that you got to work for it. Don’t give up. Start small with a blog. Connect with others and mostly, use your resources.

I will be shifting this blog into a more mature website thejenkirsch.com, within the next couple of months. It will be a hub for all things dating, relationships and will include lifestyle topics such as house and home and health and wellness. I’ll also be including weekly book reviews and will invite you to join me in an online monthly book club. I hope you’ll stick  around and join me in my next journey, that of a settled-down (but always ready to party) thirtysomething.

Thanks!

Jenny Jen

Photo credit: Dr. David Kirsch.